- Phil Donahue: You're a lonely American male, you've decided to jump back into the dating game. You take Mary Lou to dinner and during an intimate moment you discover that you're also out with Leslie and Becky. Women who name their breasts. Next Donahue.
- Dieter: That poem pulls down my pants and taunts me.
- Jimmy Stewart: Eh, well, that's exactly what it's supposed to do.
- Phil Donahue: You can barely walk, you can't concentrate on your work, you feel like you're going insane. When your shoelace is caught inside your shoe. On the next Donahue.