- Weekend Update Anchor: Beirut lost it's city charter this week and has been officially declared a huge, open air Nintendo game.
- Chris Rock: I hate taxes, I hate cheques. I hate the fact that they put two amounts of money on your cheque, it's like 'this is the money you worked all week for, and this is what you gonna get.' I mean, don't show me this money I'm not getting, don't tease me. Don't take off your bra and say 'what you lookin' at?'