Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Hammer (1991)

Kevin Nealon: Weekend Update Anchor, Various

Quotes 

• Weekend Update Anchor : In medical news, a major study published today concluded that aspirin, the classic headache remedy, can lessen your risk of colon cancer. Providing of course, you've got your head up your ass. I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

• Todd : Carl, what's cooking in weather?

  Bill : Eh, I'll tell you what's happening in the weather: it's raining bombs in Hawaii, that's what's happening!

• Weekend Update Anchor : The only portrait painted of Christopher Columbus while he was still alive was discovered this week. Among other things, the painting surprisingly reveals that Columbus' head was indeed flat and not round as previously believed.