Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Samuel L. Jackson/Ben Folds Five (1998)

Colin Quinn: Various, Weekend Update Anchor

Quotes 

• Colin Quinn : You know how you go to your favorite bar, and your local bartender isn't there? You ask, "Where's Jeff?" "Jeff no longer works here, I'm Steve." Then you're thinking, hey, who's this idiot? I like Jeff. But you still want your drink. And even though Steve doesn't mix your drink the same way you're used to, like Jeff, you still like the bar. You don't want to have to go to a different bar. And even Steve might feel kinda bad because Jeff trained him. Jeff showed him how to work the cash register, where the tonic was on the soda gun, who tips, who doesn't. Well, I'm Steve. What can I get you?

• Harry Caray : Hey, if you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

  Colin Quinn : What?

  Harry Caray : I know I would. First, I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious... So would you?

  Colin Quinn : I don't know.

  Harry Caray : Don't jerk me around, Norm, it's a simple question. A baby could answer it. If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

  Colin Quinn : I guess so.

  Harry Caray : Oh, you made a wise choice, my friend.