- Lindsay Lohan: [during a visit to Disney World] This is my dream come true! I mean, I'm totally serious. Tigger hugged me at the door and almost thought I was gonna cry!
- Debbie Downer: I guess Roy's isn't doing as well as they first thought.
- Amy Poehler: What? Who's Roy?
- Debbie Downer: Roy of Siegfried and Roy. He was attacked by his own tiger and suffered devastating injuries.
- Debbie Downer: [after being hugged by "Pluto"] Oh, hey. Hey, Pluto, hi. Boy, it must be fun to work here. Although the biggest drawback to working in a theme park is that you must live under constant fear of deadly terrorist attacks.
- Fred Armisen: [depressed, the Pluto character walks off] Pluto! Pluto, wait, where are you going?
- Debbie Downer: With that costume on, he's probably in the early stages of heat stroke.
- Jimmy Fallon: [ordering breakfast at Disney World] I love me some Steak and eggs!
- [giggles]
- Debbie Downer: Ever since they found mad cow disease in the US, I'm not taking any chances.
- [a beat]
- Debbie Downer: It can live in your body for years before it ravages your brain.
- Debbie Downer: [Debbie Downer is at Disney World] Wow you guys, Disney World really is fun. Makes me feel like a kid again. I mean the time before my two-year stint at Children's.
- Jimmy Fallon: Experts said Monday that doctors are seeing an alarming rise in drug-resistant cases of gonorrhea.
- [turns to other camera, smirks evily]
- Jimmy Fallon: Again, you're welcome.
- Caitlin: One time... listen to this! One time, on my birthday, I was at Wendy's and I was eating and I choked on a pickle and my whole life flashed before my eyes and I was like: "I've never been to Disneyland! Not yet, Jesus." and then I came to and I barved all over the Wendy's and they came out and the owner/manager gave me a coupon for one free hamburger a year for life! Isn't that right, Rick? Rick, Rick, Riiiiiick!
- Lindsay Lohan: You know what, Debbie? You are totally ruining my trip to Disney World! I didn't say a word during "It's a Small World" when you talked about low birth weight or during the fireworks when you went on and on about Feline AIDS...
- Debbie Downer: It's the number one killer of domestic cats
- Lindsay Lohan: [frustrated, Lindsay leaves] I can't take it!
- Debbie Downer: So after this we hit the park, guys?
- Jimmy Fallon: [talks with this mouth full] Yeah.
- Debbie Downer: Slather up the sunscreen. I had a mole looked at recently and doctor told me that due to the extend of its irregular borders, I'm flirting with the melanoma.
- [everyone else at the table gets up to leave]
- Debbie Downer: You guys go ahead, I'll meet you at my favorite ride; The Hall of Presidents.