Saturday Night Live (TV Series)
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen/J-Kwon (2004)
Jimmy Fallon: Various, Weekend Update Anchor, Joey Mack, Pat O'Brien, Kip Bloater
Quotes
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Jimmy Fallon : Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise trip to Iraq Thursday and said "if anybody thinks that I'm here to throw water on a fire, there wrong." So more bad news for the Iraqi prisoners on fire.
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Pat O'Brien : Now eh, how do people tell you three apart?
Mary-Kate Olsen : Well, I'm the more funky one.
Ashley Olsen : And I'm more of what you might call the straight laced one.
Betty Faye Olsen : And I have asthma.
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Pat O'Brien : Wow, looks like you guys have a lot of chemistry together.
Ashley Olsen : Yeah, we do. We're always finishing...
Mary-Kate Olsen : Each others sentences.
Betty Faye Olsen : And I'm always starting a second sentence!
[laughs]
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Z105 DJ : [Announcer: Z-105] AND WE'RE BACK! Uh oh, we got a special guest in the house. Your old co-star from Full House, Dave Coulier, just walked in. Hey how's it going, Dave?
[as Sanji]
Z105 DJ : Hello, Mr. Coulier.
[as Tyrone]
Z105 DJ : Yo what up, D.C.?
[as himself]
Z105 DJ : Can you do me a favor, Dave? Can you talk like Bullwinkle for me? I love when you do that?
[as Bullwinkle]
Z105 DJ : Hey Mayr-Kate and Ashley, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
[as himself]
Z105 DJ : Ah man, he's doing Bullwinkle. That's awesome, man.
[as Bullwinkle]
Z105 DJ : And one thing I remember about Mary-Kate and Ashley was that when they were on the set, they were always pooping their pants.
Ashley Olsen : We were babies.
Z105 DJ : [blows raspberry] Oh they're at it again! I've never seen this.
Mary-Kate Olsen : Okay, we're gonna go.
Z105 DJ : [Blows another raspberry] Oh you ARE going. You keep going. Oh my God, gross. We'll be right back.
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Z105 DJ : Hey guys, guys, guys! I gotta say something here. Somebody farted again. I think it was Ashley.
Ashley Olsen : I didn't fart.
Z105 DJ : Alright, there you have it, folks, Mary-Kate Olsen farted. She's shaking her head. Yes, she's proud of it.
Mary-Kate Olsen : I did not fart.
Z105 DJ : [blows raspberry] Oh my God. That's disgusting. It's like chemicals. I swear it smells like rotten hot dogs and hummus up in here. I just threw up in my mouth. 5:28 AM, we'll be right back.
[the Olsen twins get up to leave]
Z105 DJ : Hey where are you going? We just got here.
Mary-Kate Olsen : You're a creep.
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Z105 DJ : AND WE'RE BACK! Folks, special guests with us here: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. How are we doing over there, Mary-Kate?
Ashley Olsen : Actually, I'm Ashley.
Z105 DJ : Whatever. Look, let's talk about this movie you guys did. That thing really bombed, didn't it? I'm serious, man, that thing was a stinker, man. That thing stank worse than Andrea's underpants. Man in the box! New York Minute- terrible film. Don't go see it.
[Blows raspberry]
Z105 DJ : Oh my God, Mary-Kate just farted. 5:22 AM, we'll be right back.
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Z105 DJ : So I'm hanging out, and I am just hammered. I wake up in the morning, hung over out of my mind. As soon as I get out of bed, I step into a big pile of dog crap. Keep in mind, I got bare feet on, so folks, I'm cleaning this thing off and I'm noticing corn, I let my dog eat corn you know, chewing gum, looks like he ate a pack of rubber bands. I mean I am ready to scream at this animal, there's dookie everywhere and then I remember, I don't have a dog.