Scrubs (TV Series)

My Quarantine (2005)

Sarah Chalke: Dr. Elliot Reid

Quotes 

• Carla : You know, on a first date, I could see what a guy was wearing and know exactly how far he was gonna get that night.

  Elliot : Oh, me, too. And THAT guy's gettin' boobies!

  [J.D. removes jacket, revealing his button up shirt to be short sleeved] 

  Elliot : Whooooa! THAT guy's gettin' a hug at the door!

  [J.D. removes button up to reveal an Electric Boogie belly shirt] 

  Elliot : And THAT guy is getting a fake name and a phone number with six digits!

  J.D. : I know how ridiculous this looks.

  Carla : I don't think you do!

• Elliot : J.D., seeing a young doctor do his job is an amazing turn-on for a girl! My dad's a doctor and I remember how I excited I was the first time I saw him work in the hospital. I mean, I didn't want to sleep with him, but there were definitely some complicated feelings... But that's totally normal for an eleven-year-old, right? Anyway, yeah... I forget.

• Elliot : So, how's it going with Kylie?

  [J.D. motions toward Kylie, who's asleep in a chair] 

  J.D. : This sucks! I need to look like a stud and a doctor can't look like a stud unless he's saving somebody's life. I need someone to have a heart attack!

  [Homeless Steve appears] 

  Homeless Steve : Got twenty bucks?

• Elliot : I had this one first date where the guy took me to play paintball. All he does the whole time is shoot me in the face!... After two years with that guy, I'm like, "That's enough," ya know?

• [standing at a patient bed over the homeless patient who threatened to expose the fake-heart-attack ruse] 

  Elliot : Wow - he is *really* out.

  J.D. : A mild sedative "fell" into his juice box.

• Elliot : So, Kylie looks like she's having fun.

  J.D. : It's a front. She's miserable. So far the highlight of the night's been putting the possum to sleep -- and that's not a euphemism.

• Elliot : Look, J.D... I know why you're lying about everything. You don't think you're good enough for Kylie. I mean, you've always had this insecure thing even though you're this funny, weird, amazing guy. I mean... that's why I fell in love with you, and I'm betting if you just act like yourself, Kylie will too.

  J.D. : Thanks, Elliot. Really. But that's a load of crap, because nobody is themselves when they start dating. Dating is just acting like you're somebody you're not until the person likes you enough so you can show 'em who you really are.

  Elliot : No, it's not.

  J.D. : What do you call that bra you wore for your date last week?

  Elliot : Oh, the Miracle Lift Super Push-Up bra?