Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Abstinence (1996)
Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld
Photos
Quotes
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Cosmo Kramer : They're trying to screw with your head.
Jerry Seinfeld : Now, why would a junior high school want to screw with my head?
Cosmo Kramer : Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don't know!
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Jerry Seinfeld : To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, no sex, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid.
Elaine Benes : I don't understand.
Jerry Seinfeld : Exactly.
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Larry The Cook : [Kramer lights up a cigar at Monk's] Hey, take it outside.
Cosmo Kramer : Come on, Larry, you know me.
Larry The Cook : It bothers people and it's against the law.
Jerry Seinfeld : You can make all the laws you want. He's still gonna bother people.
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Jerry Seinfeld : So what? You've gone six weeks before!
George Costanza : I can do six weeks standing on my head. I'm like a sexual camel. That's not the point. At least there was the possibility.
Jerry Seinfeld : So, are you going to break up with her?
George Costanza : I don't know. I don't want to be one of those guys.
Jerry Seinfeld : What guys?
George Costanza : Like us.
Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah.