Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Burning (1998)

Michael Richards: Cosmo Kramer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cosmo Kramer : Well, I've got gonorrhea.

  Elaine : That sounds about right.

• Cosmo Kramer : Our eyes met across a crowded hat store. I, am customer and she, a coquettish haberdasher. I pursued and she withdrew. Then she pursued and I withdrew. And so we danced, and I burned for her. Much like the burning during urination I experienced soon afterwards.

  Student #1 : Gonorrhea!

• Jerry : Sophie, it's me! I know about the tractor story! And I'm fine with it!

  Sophie : How could you know?

  Jerry : Shhh! Shhh! But I'm not going to let something like this ruin what could be a meaningful relationship.

  Mickey Abbott : [Kramer and Mickey enter]  You gave me gonorrhea and you didn't even tell me!

  Cosmo Kramer : I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun with it!

  Mickey Abbott : Well, you should have told me!

  Jerry : I'm with somebody!

  Sophie : No, I understand! This can be a difficult thing to deal with! But the important thing is that you have a partner who's supportive.

  Cosmo Kramer : You know, she's right.

  Sophie : But of course, I didn't have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a tractor.

  Jerry : You got gonorrhea from a tractor? And you call that the tractor story?

  Sophie : Yeah, my boyfriend said I got it because I was riding the tractor in my bathing suit.

  Jerry : [stunned]  All right, that's it for me. You've been great. Good night everybody!

  [leaves] 

• Mickey Abbott : Bacterial meningitis. Jackpot!

  Cosmo Kramer : Gonorrhea. You wanna trade?

  Mickey Abbott : Sorry buddy. This is the Hamlet of diseases. Severe pain, nausea, delusions. It's got everything.

• Mickey Abbott : Cirrhosis of the liver with jaundice! Alright, I get to wear makeup. What'd you get?

  Cosmo Kramer : Gonorrhea. Excuse me. I think there's been a mistake. I had Gonorrhea last week.

  Dr. Wexler : Oh it's no mistake. We loved what you did with it.

  Cosmo Kramer : I don't believe this. I'm being typecast

• Jerry : No no, he's pretending he's got gonorrhea so med students can diagnose it.

  Cosmo Kramer : And it's a waste of my talent. It's just a little burning. Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis.

  George Costanza : Well I guess there are no small diseases, only small actors.

  [Kramer, Elaine and Jerry laugh] 

  George Costanza : Alright, that's it for me. goodnight everybody.

  [exits] 

  Elaine : What was that?

  Jerry : Showmanship. George is trying to get out on a high note.