Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Face Painter (1995)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : Do you know how fast these things deteriorate when there's an 'I love you' out of the bag? You can't have a relationship where one person says 'I *love* you' and the other one says 'I"m *hungry*. Let's get something to eat'.

  George Costanza : Unless you're married.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I mean now she thinks I'm one of these guys that loves her. No one wants to be with somebody that loves them.

  George Costanza : No. People *hate* that.

  Jerry Seinfeld : You want to be with somebody that doesn't like you.

  George Costanza : Ideally.

  George Costanza : Well, I am never saying 'I love you' again, unless they say it first.

  Waitress : Matzoh ball soup?

  George Costanza : That would be me.

• George Costanza : I saw Sienna again.

  Elaine Benes : Sienna?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah, he's dating a crayon.

• George Costanza : I might... tell her that I love her. I came this close last night and then I just chickened out.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, that's a big move, Georgie boy. Are you confident in the 'I love you' return?

  George Costanza : Fifty-fifty.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Cause if you don't get that return, that's a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Monkeys are really the end of the line in the pet world. I think when you're at the monkey level of pet ownership, have a kid. I mean, come on. I mean, you're so close. If you need a pet that can roller skate and smoke cigars, it's time to think about a family. Monkeys, of course, were the first astronauts in the '60s, which, I'm sure, made perfect sense in the monkey brain. "I feel that is the next logical step for me because I've been workin' with the Italian guy and the crank organ, and I think I'm ready to handle the maximum reentry G-forces."