Photos
Quotes
-
Jerry Seinfeld : You kept making all the stops?
Kramer : Well, people kept ringing the bell.
-
Jerry Seinfeld : You boo me? You hiss? You couldn't stop blathering through the whole set?
Toby : Oh, c'mon, I thought you were a pro, that's part of the show.
Jerry Seinfeld : No. Not part of the show. Booing and hissing are not part of the show. You boo puppets. You hiss villains in silent movies.
-
Cosmo Kramer : The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
Jerry : Wow.
George Costanza : You're Batman.
Cosmo Kramer : Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry : You kept making all the stops?
Cosmo Kramer : Well, people kept ringing the bell!
-
Jerry Seinfeld : So what was the fire? Just a couple of greasy hamburgers?
George Costanza : Yeah. Eric the clown put it out with his big shoe.
-
Elaine Benes : What do we need the pinkie-toe for?
Jerry Seinfeld : Because, Elaine, that's the one that goes "wee wee wee" all the way home.
Elaine Benes : Why don't you just shut the fu--up?
-
[last lines]
Jerry Seinfeld : I was in a hotel the other day, and they have that fire map on the back of the door. I'm flattered they think I have it together enough to stand in a burning hotel room memorizing directions. "Hey, I'll go left by the stair, right by the candy machine." I'd probably get lost, have to go back to the room, check the map again. And they always tell you, no matter what you do, in a hotel fire, do not panic. Hey, I've got four minutes to live. I've never panicked in my whole life. It's my option. Even if they find you, you have a perfect excuse. "Gee, I heard they saved you swinging from the shower curtain naked with the ice bucket on your head. What happened?" Well, I panicked. That's understandable.
-
[first lines]
Jerry Seinfeld : To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first and last party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kind of sit there. You're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's going on. Both birthday parties, people have to help you blow out the candles. You can't do it. You don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgment. They bring them in, sit 'em down, and they tell you: "These are your friends. Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party."
-
Jerry Seinfeld : So you feel "Women and children first" in this day and age is somewhat of an antiquated notion?
George Costanza : To some degree.
Jerry Seinfeld : So basically it's every man, woman, child and invalid for themselves?
George Costanza : In a manner of speaking.
