Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Nose Job (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry : I'll tell you, the sex - I was like an animal. I mean, it was just completely uninhibited.

  George Costanza : It's like going to the bathroom in front of a lot of people and not caring.

  Jerry : [pause]  It's not like that at all.

• Jerry : Please, please. Isabel? She is the most despicable woman I have ever met in my life. I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time. It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry : The technical term for a nose job is?.. Rhinoplasty. Rhinoplasty. Rhino. Okay? Do we really need to insult the person at this particular moment of their lives? They know they have a big nose. That's why they're coming in. Do they really need the abuse of being compared to a rhinoceros on top of everything else? When someone has a hair transplant, they don't go, "We're going to perform a cue ball-ectomy on you, Mr. Johnson. We're going to attempt to remove the... skinheadia of your, uh... Your chromedomus, which is what the... The technical term."

• [first lines] 

  Jerry : You give me an explanation as to why the pharmacist has to be two and a half feet up above everybody else. What the hell is he doing, he can't be down there on the floor with you and me? Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're all on the same level. "Oh, no, he's gotta be two and a half feet up. Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills. Spread out, give me some room." The only hard part of his whole job that I could see, is typing everything onto that little, tiny label. And has to try and get all the words on there, keep the paper and the little piece of paper in the roller of the typewriter. "Oh, no. He's gotta be two and a half feet up. Yeah, I'd like to get this, uh, prescription filled." All right. You wait down there. Only I'm allowed up here.