The Simpsons (TV Series)
Black Widower (1992)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Mr. Teeny, Hans Moleman, Chairman, Man in Audience, Barney Gumble
Quotes
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Sideshow Bob : [Sideshow bob is watching TV with Selma]
Man : Thank you, Sen?or MacGyver, you saved our village.
MacGyver : Don't thank me, thank the Moon's gravitational pull.
Selma : That MacGyver's a genius.
Sideshow Bob : First of all, he's not a genius, he's an actor, and second, he's not *much* of an actor.
Selma : You're lying! You're lying!
Sideshow Bob : No Selma, this is lying: that was a well-plotted piece of nonclaptrap that never made me want to retch.
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Homer Simpson : To the Simpson-mobile!
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[watching TV, Bart suddenly realizes Bob's plan]
Bart : [shoots to his feet] Aunt Selma has one hour to live!
Homer Simpson : Hey, down in front.
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Krusty the Clown : Come here, you!
Sideshow Bob : [laughs]
Krusty the Clown : Missed you!
Sideshow Bob : This guy is a natural treasure!
Krusty the Clown : That jerk I got to replace you... He isn't fit to hold your slide whistle.
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[Sideshow Bob wins an Emmy in prison]
Sideshow Bob : This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!
Krusty the Clown : Just don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob!
Sideshow Bob : No-talent shill!
Krusty the Clown : Second banana!
Sideshow Bob : Panderer!
Krusty the Clown : Bore!
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Homer Simpson : Gee, if some snot-nosed kid sent me to prison, the first thing out I'd find out where he lives, and tear him a new belly button!
[he mimes stabbing an imaginary kid with his steak knife]
Homer Simpson : Lousy snitch...
[jerks the knife upward]
Homer Simpson : YAAH!
[Bart chuckles nervously]
Sideshow Bob : [chuckling] Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer Simpson : I am not!
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Sideshow Bob : Bart, I must know how did you untangle my web?
Homer Simpson : Yeah, Bart, clue us in.
Bart : [looking at Chief Wiggum] I'd hate to tell the number-one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum : No, please, it's the only way I'll learn.
Bart : All right. Sideshow Bob seemed desperate to get that fireplace, but why? Then it hit me - The gas! Surely anyone would have noticed a gas leak except Aunt Selma.
Selma : [flashback] I permanently lost my sense of smell.
Bart : She happily watched MacGyver unaware that her room was silently filling with natural gas. All it needed to explode was a single spark, say, from a cigarette.
Selma : [flashback] I've decided to give up smoking except after meals and MacGyver.
Bart : Her only hope was a plucky young boy and his slow-witted father. When Aunt Selma lights up after MacGyver she'll be blown to kingdom come.
Homer Simpson : [flashback] Come again?
Bart : After trying four times to explain it to Homer I explained it to Mom and we were on our way!
Homer Simpson : [flashback] To the Simpson Mobile!
Sideshow Bob : If you saved Selma, why did the room explode?
Chief Wiggum : Oh, I'll field that one.
Chief Wiggum : [flashback: The police and Homer smoking cigars] Me and my boys were celebrating on a job well done when I threw my match in the vicinity of the crime scene.
Chief Wiggum : [flashback: The room explodes] Oh, right, the gas.
Sideshow Bob : [being led away in handcuffs, laughing at the end] I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
Selma : I feel like such a fool.
Marge : Well, he fooled almost everyone. But there was one little boy who never lost his mistrust.
Bart : Thanks, Mom. Now, let's get out of this gas-filled hallway before we all suffocate.
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Homer Simpson : Hey, weiner boy, where do you think you're going?
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Krusty the Clown : bob that jerk i got to replace. you isn't even fit to hold your slide whistle.