The Simpsons (TV Series)

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge (2000)

Hank Azaria: Singer, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Psychologist #1

Quotes 

• Marge : I thought you said the law was powerless.

  Chief Wiggum : Yeah, powerless to *help* you, not punish you.

• Psychologist #2 : Excuse me, what are you doing?

  Marge : Oh, I was just praying to God that you'll find me sane.

  Psychologist #2 : I see. And this "God", is he in this room right now?

  Marge : Oh, yes, he's kind of everywhere.

  Psychologist #1 : Marge Simpson, you give us no choice but to declare you utterly...

  Marge : I'm not insane!

  Psychologist #1 : You didn't let me finish. - insane!

  Marge : [jumps out the window in panic then gets up like nothing happened]  I'm not insane.

• Becky : You got Poison to play at our wedding?

  Singer : We're Cyanide, a loving tribute to Poison.

• Lisa : Moe, can I give you some shrimp for the road?

  Moe Szyslak : Nah, I'll just take the ring pillow... and these, uh, seven presents I brung. Ah, you know what? Cram some shrimp in, too.

  [opening his mouth for her] 

  Moe Szyslak : Head to tail. That way you can fit more.

  [she adds more] 

  Moe Szyslak : How about some sauce?

  [she pours some sauce into his mouth, too] 

  Moe Szyslak : Thanks.

• Chief Wiggum : I don't know, Simpson. How do I know you didn't cut your own brakes?

  Marge : Why would I do that?

  Chief Wiggum : I don't know.

  [straightening his tie] 

  Chief Wiggum : Get some attention from a handsome police officer?

  Marge : That's crazy!

  [Wiggum sighs in disappointment] 

  Marge : Look, I know I don't have any proof, but this woman is trying to kill me.

  Chief Wiggum : Ah, fine. Let me tell you what I tell everybody who comes in here. The law is powerless to help you.

  Marge : Do I have to be dead before you'll help me?

  Chief Wiggum : Well, not dead, dying. No, no, no, don't walk away. Wait, how about this? Just show me the knife. In your back. Not too deep, but, uh, it should be able to stand by itself.

• Chief Wiggum : Now, Ralphie, what are you gonna do if you see Mrs. Simpson?

  Ralph Wiggum : [drawing a gun]  Freeze, you crazy mommy!

  Chief Wiggum : Attaboy, but you gotta aim a little higher.

  [adjusting Ralph's aim] 

  Chief Wiggum : There you go. That's a kill shot.

• Psychologist #1 : Mrs. Simpson, before we begin, I just want to assure you that this is not a trial.

  [his colleagues groan in disappointment] 

  Psychologist #1 : All right, it's a trial.

  Psychologist #2 , Psychologist #3 : [high-fiving]  Yes!

• Marge : Becky, I'm so sorry I accused you of trying to kill me and steal my family.

  Becky : Hey, no biggie. I was trying to steal your family. I even thought of a good place to bury you. But then I didn't have a shovel, so I went to the hardware store and they have six different kinds, and I was like, "Later."

  Marge : Well, that's a relief, too, knowing I'm not crazy. So, I guess everything really worked out for the...

  Bart : [three darts are shot into her neck, and she falls to the ground]  Mom!

  Homer : [seeing it's the mental hospital psychologist and two orderlies]  You monsters! You killed her!

  Marge : [getting to her feet]  No, they didn't.

  Psychologist #1 : Good Lord! We put enough tranquilizers in there to take down Jonathan Winters.

  Marge : Oh, I've got too much to do to take a nap right now. Lisa, get Maggie out of that cage. And, Homer, since you're dressed for it, I got some "S&M" for ya, scrubbing and mopping.

  [as she laughs, another dart is shot into her neck] 

  Homer : [handing the blowgun back]  Thank you.