The Simpsons (TV Series)

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge (2000)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Otto left his fiancee at the altar because of Marge] 

  Bart : Hey, why don't you stay with us?

  Marge : Bart, remember that talk we had about you volunteering our house?

  Homer : Remember that talk *we* had about you not wrecking people's weddings?

• Bart : [waving a camcorder around on the bus]  Tonight on the Discovery Channel; Inside Lisa's Nose. What will we find, boogers or Nazi gold?

  Lisa : Bart, quit it!

  Bart : No way.

  Lisa : Bart sleeps with Raggedy Andy!

  Bart : Cut, cut, cut!

• Bart : So, any words for the bride and groom?

  Principal Skinner : Now now, Bart. I'm trying to urinate.

  Bart : You don't seem to be trying very hard.

• Marge : Ooh, we're "cordially invited", this Saturday, to join Otto and Becky at... 742 Evergreen Terrace? That's our address.

  Bart : I told Otto he could have the wedding here. Hope that's okay.

  Marge : You should have asked first, Bart. Weddings are hard work and cost thousands of dollars.

  Bart : Hey, it'll be easy. You've still got most of the stuff from Apu's wedding back there.

  [with a trumpet of its trunk, an elephant wanders around] 

  Marge : All right, Otto can get married here, but, Homer, you have to get rid of that elephant.

  [outside the window, Santa's Litle Helper whines as the elephant picks him up in its trunk] 

• Bart : [eating dinner]  Mom, this gravy tastes better than God's sweat.

  Marge : Thanks to our own spice girl, Becky.

  Lisa : Well, Mom, you really brought out the mung in these beans.

  Marge : Actually, that was Becky, too.

  Homer : What are these things in the mashed potatoes?

  Becky : That's the skins. I left them on.

  Marge : Well, nobody's perfect. Let me just pick those out.

  Homer : [covering his plate protectively]  No!

  [eating more, lustfully] 

  Homer : Oh, Becky. Your potatoes are the best I've ever had. Oh, God.

• Bart : Otto, since when have you had a girlfriend?

  Otto : We met in the summer of love. Woodstock '99.

  [in flashback, he runs, on fire, up to a water vendor booth] 

  Otto : Quick! I need some water!

  Water Girl : Eight dollars.

  Otto : Huh, not in this lifetime.

• Bart : [Homer changes his car's oil]  A man innocently changes his oil when...

  [kicking the car] 

  Bart : A two-ton car comes crashing down.

  [seeing nothing happen, he kicks the car again] 

  Bart : Comes crashing down.

  [still nothing happens] 

  Bart : Oh! Who'd have thought you could hold up a car with a wicker basket?

• Marge : Let's see. Candles, flowers, place cards, rice...

  Lisa : Oh, Mom, you're not supposed to throw rice anymore. Birds eat it, their stomachs swell, and they explode.

  Bart : Why am I just learning this now?

  [grabbing a box of rice and his video camera, he runs outside] 

• Marge : Stop kicking my baby!

  Becky : Oh, it's cool. We're just putting some Jackie Chan moves into Bart's video project.

  Bart : Yeah, Mom, I need something great. Milhouse has footage of himself falling down the stairs.

  Marge : Well, no kicking. It's too dangerous.

  Becky : Marge, chill out. I have great control. See?

  [she demonstrates] 

  Marge : That's very impressive, but I still don't...

  [Becky continues kicking at her] 

  Marge : Stop that!

• Bart : Otto, a red traffic light means what?

  Otto : Ooh! No time for brain teasers. Today's the day I ask my girlfriend to take a ride on the matrimony pony.

  Milhouse Van Houten : [taunting sing-song]  Otto's got a girlfriend! Otto's got a girlfriend!

  Otto : That's right, I do.

  Milhouse Van Houten : I know you do. Baby.

• Kent Brockman : Police say escaped mental patient Marge Simpson could be anywhere, even here at Juggernauts, where it's wet t-shirt month.

  [the waitresses around him cheer] 

  Kent Brockman : But for now, this reporter prays that "Mad Marge" can be captured before she kills again.

  Bart : [watching on TV]  Kills again? She hasn't killed once.

  Lisa : Shouldn't we be out there trying to find her?

  Homer : Don't worry, she'll show up here sooner or later to finish off Becky. Then we'll have Mommy back.

• Lisa : Oh, I really miss Mom.

  Bart : The kids are saying if you say "Bloody Margie" five times, she'll appear, but then she gouges your eyes out.

  Homer : I hear she mates with men, then eats them.

  Becky : I'm sure if Marge were here and not crazy, she'd be telling you two

  [Bart and Lisa] 

  Becky : to do your homework and you

  [Homer] 

  Becky : to finish washing the dog.

  [next to the couch, Santa's Little Helper stands there with half his body clean and the other half still covered in mud] 

• Marge : Becky, I want to apologize to you...

  [entering the family room, she sees a scene out of a horror movie, with Becky about to stab Homer, Lisa chained to the wall, and Maggie locked in a cage] 

  Marge : ...surper!

  [kicking the knife out of Becky's hands] 

  Marge : Hyah!

  [choking her] 

  Marge : Why, you little...!

  Bart : Cut! Cut! Mom, it's great to have you back, but you walked right into my shot.

• Chief Wiggum : Now, Ralphie, what are you gonna do if you see Mrs. Simpson?

  Ralph Wiggum : [drawing a gun]  Freeze, you crazy mommy!

  Chief Wiggum : Attaboy, but you gotta aim a little higher.

  [adjusting Ralph's aim] 

  Chief Wiggum : There you go. That's a kill shot.

• Marge : Becky, I'm so sorry I accused you of trying to kill me and steal my family.

  Becky : Hey, no biggie. I was trying to steal your family. I even thought of a good place to bury you. But then I didn't have a shovel, so I went to the hardware store and they have six different kinds, and I was like, "Later."

  Marge : Well, that's a relief, too, knowing I'm not crazy. So, I guess everything really worked out for the...

  Bart : [three darts are shot into her neck, and she falls to the ground]  Mom!

  Homer : [seeing it's the mental hospital psychologist and two orderlies]  You monsters! You killed her!

  Marge : [getting to her feet]  No, they didn't.

  Psychologist #1 : Good Lord! We put enough tranquilizers in there to take down Jonathan Winters.

  Marge : Oh, I've got too much to do to take a nap right now. Lisa, get Maggie out of that cage. And, Homer, since you're dressed for it, I got some "S&M" for ya, scrubbing and mopping.

  [as she laughs, another dart is shot into her neck] 

  Homer : [handing the blowgun back]  Thank you.

• Krusty the Clown : Now, we've got a special guest. She just flew in from the cuckoo's nest, and boy is she crazy. Crazy Marge Simpson! Look at that.

  Sideshow Mel : [in drag, imitating Marge]  Hello, Krusty.

  Krusty the Clown : [laughing]  That's funny. So, Marge, who's your favorite Native American warrior?

  Sideshow Mel : Crazy Horse! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

  [as he blubbers his lips, none of the kids in the audience laugh] 

  Sideshow Mel : No, no, no...

  Krusty the Clown : All right, all right. Stop it. Oh, this bit's dying. Let's go to the Mad Marge dancers.

  [to stereotypical Russian music, dancers in straight-jackets and Marge masks dance around] 

  Bart : [watching on TV]  Too soon.

• Homer : [Becky announces she's moving out]  Becky, I think I speak for all of us when I say... when's the ice cream gonna get here?

  Squeaky-Voiced Teen : [thunder crashes and the lights go dark]  And God say gather ye two of every flavor, anoint them with 62 sauces, whipped cream, and nuts, and ye shall call it... "The Ark".

  [a canoe-sized bowl of ice cream is carried out to their table; panting in excitement, Homer's face falls into it] 

  Becky : Homer!

  Bart : Relax, he's gorging.

  [waiting for Homer to move] 

  Bart : Okay, maybe not.

  Becky : [pulling him out]  We've got to save him!

  [she starts mouth-to-mouth resuscitation; coming in and misunderstanding the context, Marge screams] 

  Marge : Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!