The Simpsons (TV Series)

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge (2000)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Otto's Dad, Man Carrying Glass, Tourist, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Mel

Quotes 

• Becky : I hope we didn't scare you, Marge. Bart's just filming a music video for his class project.

  Lisa : And I'm directing the "making-of" video.

  Marge : Oh... well, then, I guess there's a reasonable explanation for everything, except you cutting my brakes.

  Homer : Oh, about that. Uh, when I changed your oil, I may have drained your brake fluid. I didn't say anything 'cause I thought you'd be mad.

• [Otto left his fiancee at the altar because of Marge] 

  Bart : Hey, why don't you stay with us?

  Marge : Bart, remember that talk we had about you volunteering our house?

  Homer : Remember that talk *we* had about you not wrecking people's weddings?

• Marge : Oh my, I've been so unfair to Becky. Maybe I am insane. I mean, I am talking to myself.

  Hans Moleman : [sadly]  You are? Oh, I thought I made a friend.

• Bart : [eating dinner]  Mom, this gravy tastes better than God's sweat.

  Marge : Thanks to our own spice girl, Becky.

  Lisa : Well, Mom, you really brought out the mung in these beans.

  Marge : Actually, that was Becky, too.

  Homer : What are these things in the mashed potatoes?

  Becky : That's the skins. I left them on.

  Marge : Well, nobody's perfect. Let me just pick those out.

  Homer : [covering his plate protectively]  No!

  [eating more, lustfully] 

  Homer : Oh, Becky. Your potatoes are the best I've ever had. Oh, God.

• Homer : [stabbing his fingers with a knife]  Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

  Marge : No knife games on the kitchen table.

  Homer : I didn't hit your precious table.

• Otto's Dad : Son, your mother and I don't approve of this marriage as we've not approved of any part of your life to date.

  Otto : Well, the important thing is you came.

  Otto's Dad : We're leaving.

  Otto : Drive safe!

• Becky : You expect me to walk down the aisle to a monster ballad?

  Marge : Let me talk to Otto.

  Becky : Oh, that's okay. I guess this is sort of... our song.

  Marge : Well, it doesn't have to be. Otto's just going to have to decide what's more important, his heavy metal or you.

  [a few minutes later, Otto drives off with the band in his bus] 

  Marge : Becky, what have I done here? I'm so sorry.

  Homer : [whispering]  In about 15 minutes, I'd take off that wedding dress or you're gonna look crazy.

• Kent Brockman : Police say escaped mental patient Marge Simpson could be anywhere, even here at Juggernauts, where it's wet t-shirt month.

  [the waitresses around him cheer] 

  Kent Brockman : But for now, this reporter prays that "Mad Marge" can be captured before she kills again.

  Bart : [watching on TV]  Kills again? She hasn't killed once.

  Lisa : Shouldn't we be out there trying to find her?

  Homer : Don't worry, she'll show up here sooner or later to finish off Becky. Then we'll have Mommy back.

• Tourist : [at the world's largest speed bump]  I still say ours is bigger.

  [unable to stop her car, Marge crashes through it] 

  Tourist : Our speed bumps are stronger, too.

• Lisa : Oh, I really miss Mom.

  Bart : The kids are saying if you say "Bloody Margie" five times, she'll appear, but then she gouges your eyes out.

  Homer : I hear she mates with men, then eats them.

  Becky : I'm sure if Marge were here and not crazy, she'd be telling you two

  [Bart and Lisa] 

  Becky : to do your homework and you

  [Homer] 

  Becky : to finish washing the dog.

  [next to the couch, Santa's Little Helper stands there with half his body clean and the other half still covered in mud] 

• Marge : Becky, I'm so sorry I accused you of trying to kill me and steal my family.

  Becky : Hey, no biggie. I was trying to steal your family. I even thought of a good place to bury you. But then I didn't have a shovel, so I went to the hardware store and they have six different kinds, and I was like, "Later."

  Marge : Well, that's a relief, too, knowing I'm not crazy. So, I guess everything really worked out for the...

  Bart : [three darts are shot into her neck, and she falls to the ground]  Mom!

  Homer : [seeing it's the mental hospital psychologist and two orderlies]  You monsters! You killed her!

  Marge : [getting to her feet]  No, they didn't.

  Psychologist #1 : Good Lord! We put enough tranquilizers in there to take down Jonathan Winters.

  Marge : Oh, I've got too much to do to take a nap right now. Lisa, get Maggie out of that cage. And, Homer, since you're dressed for it, I got some "S&M" for ya, scrubbing and mopping.

  [as she laughs, another dart is shot into her neck] 

  Homer : [handing the blowgun back]  Thank you.

• Krusty the Clown : Now, we've got a special guest. She just flew in from the cuckoo's nest, and boy is she crazy. Crazy Marge Simpson! Look at that.

  Sideshow Mel : [in drag, imitating Marge]  Hello, Krusty.

  Krusty the Clown : [laughing]  That's funny. So, Marge, who's your favorite Native American warrior?

  Sideshow Mel : Crazy Horse! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

  [as he blubbers his lips, none of the kids in the audience laugh] 

  Sideshow Mel : No, no, no...

  Krusty the Clown : All right, all right. Stop it. Oh, this bit's dying. Let's go to the Mad Marge dancers.

  [to stereotypical Russian music, dancers in straight-jackets and Marge masks dance around] 

  Bart : [watching on TV]  Too soon.

• Homer : [Becky announces she's moving out]  Becky, I think I speak for all of us when I say... when's the ice cream gonna get here?

  Squeaky-Voiced Teen : [thunder crashes and the lights go dark]  And God say gather ye two of every flavor, anoint them with 62 sauces, whipped cream, and nuts, and ye shall call it... "The Ark".

  [a canoe-sized bowl of ice cream is carried out to their table; panting in excitement, Homer's face falls into it] 

  Becky : Homer!

  Bart : Relax, he's gorging.

  [waiting for Homer to move] 

  Bart : Okay, maybe not.

  Becky : [pulling him out]  We've got to save him!

  [she starts mouth-to-mouth resuscitation; coming in and misunderstanding the context, Marge screams] 

  Marge : Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!