The Simpsons (TV Series)

King Size Homer (1995)

Harry Shearer: Waylon Smithers, Montgomery Burns, Lenny, Dr. Hibbert, Weight Gain Store Clerk, Ned Flanders, Vast Waistband Clerk, TV Announcer, Ice Cream Man, Worker #2

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  [Smithers raps on the men's room door at the power plant] 

  Smithers : Come on, Simpson! Open up, we know you're in there!

  [no answer; Smithers motions to two goons, who break the door down; the bathroom is apparently empty, but Smithers looks carefully, and points to a stall] 

  Smithers : Hmm... that one.

  [the goons kick open the stall, revealing Homer standing in the toilet bowl] 

  Homer Simpson : Someone's in here!

  [as the goons drag him out] 

  Homer Simpson : NO! NOOOOOO! AH! NO! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF...! NOOOOO!

  Smithers : Boy, I never saw a man so desperate to get out of five minutes of calisthenics.

• Mr. Burns : [Trying to get a 300-lb. Homer to do sit-ups to lose weight]  One... one... one! Bah! I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction!

  Homer Simpson : Woo-hoo!

• Mr. Burns : [whispers]  What's the name of this gastropod?

  Smithers : Simpson, sir. One of your chair moisteners from sector 7-G.

• [trying to get out of work] 

  Homer : Hey, where's Charlie? How'd he get out of this?

  Carl : He's at home on disability.

  Lenny : Yeah, he got injured on the job and they just sent him home with pay. It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity.

  Homer : Stupidity, eh?

• Mr. Burns : Not now. There's enough time for the frozen pudding wagon later.

• [Homer's computer is flashing the words "explosion imminent"] 

  Homer Simpson : "Explosion imminent?"

  [scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh my God! The plant's gonna explode!

  [at the nuclear power plant, where Lenny and Carl are walking past the rumbling tank] 

  Carl : Hey, that thing's going kaka cuckoo.

  Lenny : Who cares? It's Homer's problem.

  Homer Simpson : Wait, I know:

  [types] 

  Homer Simpson : vent gas.

  [reads screen] 

  Homer Simpson : "Pressure too high?" "Tank must be shut down manually?"

  [to drinking bird] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge!

  [he briefly yanks it] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, who am I kidding? This is all my fault!

• Mr. Burns : [leading the employee calisthenics program]  Raise your left hock! Aerate! Raise your right hock! Aerate! Let's go! I want to see more Teddy Roosevelts, and less Franklin Roosevelts!

• Salesman at The Vast Waistband : Many of our clients find pants confining, so we offer a range of alternatives for the ample gentleman; ponchos, muumuus, capes, jumpsuits, unisheets, muslin body rolls, academic and judicial robes.

  Homer Simpson : I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with the muumuu.