The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lard of the Dance (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Krusty, Santa's Little Helper, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice, and painful scaldings pay off.

  Employee : Four pounds of grease... that comes to... sixty-three cents.

  Homer Simpson : Woo-hoo!

  Bart Simpson : Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.

  Homer Simpson : Yeah, but your mom paid for that!

  Bart Simpson : But doesn't she get her money from you?

  Homer Simpson : And I get my money from grease! What's the problem?

• Homer Simpson : Stop pummeling me, it's really painful!

  Groundskeeper Willie : Fine... I'll strangle ye for a while!

• Marge : Homer! That side of bacon was for my bridge game tonight!

  Homer : Marge, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.

  Marge : With cans of grease?

  Homer : [sarcastically]  No! Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease.

• Homer Simpson : All right, son. We're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our heads in prayer. Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and stuff. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.

  Bart Simpson : Dad, He's not stupid.

  Homer Simpson : All right, screw it, let's roll!

• Groundskeeper Willie : [indicating his fists]  If it was up to me, I'd let you go; but the boys have a temper, and they've been drinking all day.

• Homer Simpson : This better work, boy. I don't wanna wind up working on your mother's emu farm...

• Bart Simpson : Mom's gonna kill you

  Homer Simpson : If she didn't want her car ruined, she should have done a better job hiding her keys.

• Homer Simpson : [after sneaking into the elementary school]  So, is this your school?

  Bart Simpson : It used to be.

• [Homer and Bart enter Krusty Burger and make for the fryer] 

  Krusty Burger Employee : Can I help you, sir?

  Homer Simpson : [excited]  My God, you're greasy!

  Krusty Burger Employee : Mr. Maruka? Heeelp!

• Homer Simpson : Used grease is worth money then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold.