The Simpsons (TV Series)
Lisa's Pony (1991)
Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Ralph Wiggum
Quotes
-
Marge : Lisa, do you know how much it costs to keep a pony?
Lisa Simpson : No.
Marge : Well, it's a lot. In fact, your father had to take a second job.
Bart : The poor guy! Where's he working?
Marge : The Kwik-E-Mart.
[Bart bursts out laughing]
-
Marge : Lisa, I hope you realize that your father can't keep this up.
Lisa Simpson : You're going to make me give up Princess?
Marge : Lisa, we can't make you do anything.
Bart : I can make her! Just give me five minutes alone with her...
Marge : No, Bart! No one's going to make her. This is something Lisa has to decide for herself.
Lisa Simpson : All those years I've lobbied to be treated as an adult have blown up in my face.
-
[Homer goes to the plant credit union to get a loan to buy Lisa a pony]
Homer : Uh, I'd like to borrow $5,000.
Bank Clerk : Sorry, I can't approve a loan that size myself.
[she walks off; Mr. Burns and Smithers appear]
Mr. Burns : Hello.
Homer : Aah!
Mr. Burns : Simpson, eh? How can I help you?
Homer : Mr. Burns, you do this personally?
Mr. Burns : Oh, it's a hobby. I'm not in this for any personal gain, heavens no! By the way, are you acquainted with our state's stringent usury laws?
Homer : Us-ury?
Mr. Burns : Oh, silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn't exist. Now, what is the purpose of this loan?
Homer : I want to buy a pony.
Mr. Burns : Isn't that cute! Smithers, he's planning on joining the horsey set!
[lowers voice]
Mr. Burns : That is it, isn't it? You're not planning to eat it?
Homer : No, I need to get it for my little girl because she doesn't love me any more...
Smithers : Shut up, Simpson.
Homer : Sorry.
Smithers : Do you have any collateral?
Mr. Burns : Oh Smithers, let's not be so cold. His spirit is my collateral. Just sign this form, and the money will be yours.
Mr. Burns : [as Homer begins to sign, Burns starts laughing evilly]
Mr. Burns : Sorry, I was just, um, thinking of something funny Smithers did today.
Smithers : I didn't do anything funny, sir.
Mr. Burns : [whispering] Shut up!
-
Grampa : [playing Bart's video game] What do I do? What do I do?
Bart : If you want to go right, move the joystick left.
Grampa : Yes. Move the - What's a joystick?
Bart : Oh! Here comes a Xylon cruiser! Go into hyperspace!
Grampa : Wait! Where's the hyperspace?
Bart : Grandpa, you're the spaceship.
Grampa : I thought I was this guy.
[spaceship crashes]
Grampa : Oh! Oh! Game's over. I got down on the floor for this?
-
Johnny Carson : I just heard Milli Vanilli was arrested for impersonating a McNugget.
Ed McMahon : Ho ho ho ho!
Bart : Well, it's still fun to be up late.
-
Homer : [after working for nearly 22 hours, speaking to Marge in a separate room] I'll work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy.
Bart : [Sitting at the breakfast table with Maggie and Lisa, hearing a loud thud as Homer collapses from exhaustion] Oh my God, she killed him!
