- [Flash-forward to Lisa's wedding]
- Homer: Little Lisa, Lisa Simpson. You know, I always felt you were the best thing my name ever got attached to. Ever since the time you learned to pin your own diapers, you've been smarter than me.
- Lisa: Oh, Dad...
- Homer: No, no, let me finish. I just want you to know I've always been proud of you. You're my greatest accomplishment, and you did it all yourself. You taught me to understand my own life better, and made me a better person, but you're still my daughter, and I don't think anyone has ever had a better daughter than...
- Lisa: Dad, you're babbling.
- Homer: See? You're still helping me.
- Hugh St. John Alastair Parkfield: You know, I rather like this bar.
- Moe: Oh, an English boy, huh? You know, we saved your ass in World War II.
- Hugh St. John Alastair Parkfield: Well, we saved *your* arse in World War III.
- Moe: That's true.
- Lunchlady Doris: Yon meat, 'tis sweet as summer's wafting breeze.
- Homer: Can I have some?
- Lunchlady Doris: Mine ears are only open to the pleas of those who speak ye olde English.
- Homer: Sweet maiden of the spit, grant now my boon, that I might sup on some suckling pig this noon.
- Lunchlady Doris: Whatever.
- Chief Wiggum: Behold, the rarest of the rare... the mythological two-headed hound, born with only one head! And here, out of the mists of history... the legendary Esquilax. A horse with the head of a rabbit. And the body... of a rabbit!
- Homer: OK, Marge, I'll plan everything: we can have the reception at Moe's. Wait. Why not have the whole wedding there? We'll do it on a Monday morning. There'll be fewer drunks.
- Marge: Homer, don't be offended, but I've obtained a court order to prevent you from planning this wedding.
- Homer: [looks through the papers of the court order] Well, these seem to be in order. I'll be out back in the hammock.
- Marge: I took loom in high school.
- [Marge hums, quickly weaves *Hi Bart, I am weaving on a loom*]
- Bart Simpson: [pause] Meh.
- Principal Skinner: We've just been invited to the wedding of the only one of our students to read at an adult level!
- Ms. Hoover: Hmm, it must be Lisa Simpson. Because of course Martin Prince perished in that science fair explosion.
- [Pan down to the basement, where a disfigured Martin is seated at an organ, a la "The Phantom of the Opera."]
- Martin Prince: Not quite perished, my lady love. Although some days I wish I had.
- [plays "A Fifth of Beethoven" on the organ]
- Marge: Lisa, hello. How are you doing in England? Remember, an elevator is called a "lift", a mile is called a "kilometer" and botulism is called "steak and kidney pie".
- Lisa: Love the painting, Mrs. Parkfield. Judging by the clothes, I'd say... seventeenth century?
- Mrs. Parkfield: Actually, Lisa, it's just Uncle Eldred.
- Uncle Eldred: [obviously insane, due to the fact that he's fishing in an empty fishbowl] I get me brain medicine from the National Health!
- Lisa: Mom, remember when I was little, we'd always planned my dream wedding and you always promised to... you know, well, keep Dad from ruining it?
- Marge: [crossing her fingers] Oh, don't worry, honey, I guarantee your father will behave.
- Lisa: [nonplussed] Mom, it's a picture phone.
- Marge: [looking at her fingers] This? This? Oh, no, I've just got a touch of the rheumatiz.
- Lisa: Oh.
- Marge: [wipes her brow] Phew!
- Lisa: Mom, picture phone.
- Bart Simpson: Wow, Lisa, looking at you makes me want to get married for a third time. I met a really nice exotic dancer the other night at Hugh's bachelor party.
- Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party!
- Bart Simpson: We had one in his honor.
- [Lisa skeptical stares at him]
- Bart Simpson: I had one in his honor.
- [Lisa continues to stare at him]
- Bart Simpson: I went to a strip club.