The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Homer They Fall (1996)

Hank Azaria: Indian #2, Comic Book Guy, Clerk, Jimbo's Dad, Moe Szyslak, Carl, Reporter #3, Professor Frink, Dr. Nick Riviera

Quotes 

• Reporter #1 : Champ, do you feel remorse for your crime?

  Drederick Tatum : Oh, yes. Believe me, my god, if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair-pushing, I would certainly, reconsider it.

  Reporter #2 : Drederick, ah, what do you think of Homer Simpson?

  Drederick Tatum : I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

  Reporter #3 : Uh, you know, they do have a mother, Champ?

  Drederick Tatum : Yes, but I would imagine that she would die of grief.

• Moe Szyslak : Fun's over, fellas! If you're gonna beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two-drink minimum.

• Homer Simpson : You used to be a boxer just like me?

  Moe Szyslak : Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.

• Moe Szyslak : Are you man enough to test every one of your limits?

  Homer Simpson : Yes!

  Moe Szyslak : And are you man enough to throw a punch should the opportunity arise?

  Homer Simpson : Yes!

  Moe Szyslak : And are you man enough to give me a sixty percent cut?

  Homer Simpson : Yes!

  Moe Szyslak : I'll take it.

  Homer Simpson : Whoo-hoo!

• Comic Book Guy : Yes, finally, I would like to return your quote-unquote "ultimate" belt.

  Clerk : I see. Do you have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?

  Comic Book Guy : No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no need of a medium-size belt.

  Clerk : Whoa, whoa, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies...

  Comic Book Guy : Hey, I... oh.

  Clerk : Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but, ah, no receipt, no return.

  Bart : I'll give you four bucks for it.

  Comic Book Guy : Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

• Moe Szyslak : Who's gonna knock you down?

  Homer Simpson : No one!

  Moe Szyslak : When are you gonna fight back?

  Homer Simpson : Never!

  Moe Szyslak : What are you gonna do?

  Homer Simpson : Nothing!

  Moe Szyslak : That's my boy!

• Drederick Tatum : [after Homer is saved by Moe]  Homer, your manager obviously loves you very much. Lucius, would you do that for me?

  Lucious Sweet : Absolutely, I would. Now get in the van.

  Lucious Sweet : [to Moe]  You couldn't even give me one lousy round, Moe. You will always be a loser. Now take your check for a hundred thousand dollars and get out of my sight!

  Moe Szyslak : I don't need your stinkin' money!

  [puts the check in his pocket] 

• Moe Szyslak : You want Homer to fight Tatum?

  Lucious Sweet : The fans are weary of fights that are over before they have an opportunity to even get drunk.

• Moe Szyslak : Homer, I want you to have my lucky mitts. I hope you do better with them than I did.

  Homer Simpson : Gee, thanks, Moe. What's this?

  Moe Szyslak : Ah, that's the barbed wire. We called that the stinger. They, uh... they don't let you use that no more.

• Moe Szyslak : [to Homer, who's about to begin his new career as a boxer]  Now, no matter how much he hits you, you don't do nothin'. OK? You don't want to get drawn into a boxing match here.

• Moe Szyslak : Somehow I just never made it to the big time.

  Homer Simpson : Why not?

  Moe Szyslak : 'Cause I got knocked out forty times in a row. That plus politics, you know, it's all politics.