The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Regina Monologues (2003)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Chuck Shadowski, Sideshow Mel, Krusty the Clown, Grampa Simpson, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Abby

Quotes 

• Ian McKellen : Please, take these free tickets to my play!

  Homer : What? What play?

  Ian McKellen : We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.

  Homer : You mean 'MacBeth'?

  [a car splashes Ian McKellen] 

  Ian McKellen : Quiet, you blundering fool! You'll curse us all!

  Homer : What, by saying 'MacBeth'?

  [an anvil falls on Ian McKellen's foot] 

  Ian McKellen : OW! Stop saying it!

  Homer : Saying what?

  Ian McKellen : 'MACBETH'! Oh, now I've said it.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Bart Simpson : This is cool! 'MacBeth', 'MacBeth', 'MacBeth'.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning each time Bart says 'MacBeth'] 

  Marge Simpson : Bart, stop saying 'MacBeth'!

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, you said 'MacBeth'.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Homer : Mr. 'MacBeth', I'm really sorry.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Ian McKellen : That's quite alright. You didn't know.

• Homer Simpson : America rules! Our Beatles are way better than your precious Rolling Stones!

• Tony Blair : [Tony Blair has met the Simpsons at the airport. Lisa asks him to give them a personal tour of his country]  I'd love to, but I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at gate 23. Cheereo!

  [He flys away on a jet pack] 

  Homer : Wow! I can't belive we met Mr. Bean!

• Tony Blair : Hello, welcome to the United Kingdom.

  Homer Simpson : Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?

  Tony Blair : No. But thank you.

• Homer Simpson : Well Marge, if I die in here there's one thing I want you to remember. Don't buy any videotapes in England. They won't work with our VCR!

• Homer Simpson : We're big shot tourists from everyone's favourite country, the USA. We saved your ass in Vietnam and shared our prostitutes with Hugh Grant, so give me some free maps and none of that dry British wit.

• Homer : Homer: Milord, we Americans love queens, be they homecoming or dairy. This woman, however, is an imposter! Her luggage is inscribed H.R.H. which means her real name must be Henrietta R. Hippo

• Homer Simpson : Well Marge, you gotta admit, I've been on my best behaviour this trip.

  Marge Simpson : You punched out three people on the street.

  Homer Simpson : That was over soccer results. Can you believe they gave Giggs a yellowcard in the box?

  Marge Simpson : Do you understand any part of what you just said?

  Homer Simpson : I understood the word 'gave'... unless it means something else in this country!

• Homer Simpson : Oh Marge, I am so sorry. I should have listened to whatever it was you were saying.

  Marge Simpson : It's partly my fault. I've been nagging you so much on this trip; you couldn't know which nags to focus on!

• Homer Simpson : That's it! I'm acting the way America acts best: unilaterally!

• Homer Simpson : Marge I'll be on my best behaviour. You have my word as a gentlemen and a lady. Now let's see, which rifle should I bring?

• Homer Simpson : I've been jailed on six continents. All I have to do is kill a penguin.

• Homer Simpson : Good luck!

  Ian McKellen : That's bad luck too!

• Edwina : Please, take these free tickets to my play!

  Homer : What? What play?

  Edwina : We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.

  Homer : You mean 'MacBeth'?

  [a car splashes Ian McKellen] 

  Edwina : Quiet, you plundering fool! You'll curse us all!

  Homer : What, by saying 'MacBeth'?

  [an anvil falls on Ian McKellen's foot] 

  Edwina : OW! Stop saying it!

  Homer : Saying what?

  Edwina : 'MACBETH'! Oh, now I've said it.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Bart Simpson : This is cool! 'MacBeth', 'MacBeth', 'MacBeth'.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning each time Bart says 'MacBeth'] 

  Ian McKellen : Bart, stop saying 'MacBeth'!

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, you said 'MacBeth'.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Homer : Mr. 'MacBeth', I'm really sorry.

  [McKellen is hit by lightning] 

  Edwina : That's quite alright. You didn't know.

• Homer : Milord, we Americans love queens, be they homecoming or dairy. This woman, however, is an imposter! Her luggage is inscribed H.R.H. which means her real name must be Henrietta R. Hippo

• Homer : There's Big Ben; there's Piccadilly Circus; there's Jimmy Page, one of the greatest thieves of black American music who ever walked the earth.