The Simpsons (TV Series)
Treehouse of Horror IV (1993)
Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Ralph Wiggum
Photos
Quotes
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Bart Simpson : Our final painting is the most horrible of all. To even gaze upon it is to go mad...
[Homer is looking at Cassius Marcellus Coolidge's "A Friend in Need"]
Homer Simpson : AH! They're dogs! And they're playing poker! AHHHH!
[laughs hysterically, and runs away shrieking]
Bart Simpson : We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense... so we just threw together something with vampires. Enjoy!
["Bart Simpson's Dracula" title card appears over the painting]
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Bart Simpson : [sees the gremlin eating away at the school bus] Otto, you've got to do something. There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
[Otto looks out the window. Alongside the bus is an AMC Gremlin being driven by Hans Moleman]
Otto : No problem-o, Bart dude. I'll get rid of it.
[runs Moleman off the road]
Hans Moleman : No! Oh, no. I just made my last payment.
[the car comes to a stop, tapping lightly against a tree. Hans sighs in relief, before the car explodes]
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Bart Simpson : Paintings... lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to Hell so scary and horrible and gruesome that...!
Marge Simpson : Bart! You should warn people that this episode is very frightening. Maybe they'd rather listen to that old "War of the Worlds" broadcast on NPR, hmm?
Bart Simpson : Yes, Mother.
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Bart Simpson : Milhouse, quick! Look out the window!
Milhouse : No way, Bart. If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies, or even the dreaded rear admiral!
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Lisa Simpson : Dad, Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!
Montgomery Burns : Why, Bart's right here!
Bart Simpson : Hello, mother. Hello, father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.
Homer Simpson : Oh, Lisa! You and your stories! "Dad, Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now, let's get back to that... building thingy... where our beds and T.V... is.
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Lisa Simpson : Grampa's a vampire?
Bart Simpson : We're all vampires.
[Bart, Homer, Marge, and Maggie all float into the air, baring their fangs as Lisa backs away in horror]
Lisa Simpson : But... no! We killed Mr. Burns!
Homer Simpson : You have to kill the *head* vampire?
Lisa Simpson : [gasp] You're the head vampire?
Marge Simpson : No, *I'm* the head vampire!
[She laughs demonically]
Lisa Simpson : Mom?
Marge Simpson : [normal voice] Well, I do have a life outside this house, you know.
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[Bart awakens from a nightmare, and notices his sheets are wet]
Bart Simpson : Ewww... I hope this is sweat.
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Ned Flanders : Eh, your wide-behind wont' save you this time! Hey, Bart.
Bart Simpson : Hey.
Lisa Simpson : Wait! Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?
Ned Flanders : Oh, you Americans with your due process and fair trials. Huh. This is always so much easier in Mexico.