The Simpsons (TV Series)

You Only Move Twice (1996)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Santa's Little Helper, Burns' Lawyer, Barney Gumble, Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Mayor Quimby, Worker #2, Bont, Telegram Man

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hank Scorpio : Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?

  Homer : Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

  Hank Scorpio : Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.

  Homer : Uh-huh.

  Hank Scorpio : There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.

  Homer : Mm-Hmm.

  Hank Scorpio : That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.

  Homer : Oh, the hammock district!

  Hank Scorpio : That's right.

• Hank Scorpio : By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country? Italy or France?

  Homer : France.

  [Scorpio adjusts a giant laser cannon pointing towards the sky] 

  Hank Scorpio : Heh heh heh. Nobody ever says Italy...

• Apu : Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels!

  [runs off] 

  Homer : Thank you. Come again!

• Homer : Uh... you have any sugar around here?

  Hank Scorpio : Sugar? Sure.

  [takes two handfuls of sugar out of his pockets] 

  Hank Scorpio : There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?

  [reaches back into his pockets] 

  Homer : Uh... I... no.

• Hank Scorpio : Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I!

  [throws them out the door] 

  Hank Scorpio : Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe?

  Homer : [chuckles]  Yes, once.

• Hank Scorpio : Back to the hammocks, my friend. You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you.

  [laughs] 

  Hank Scorpio : I'm just kidding.

  Homer : Oh.

  Hank Scorpio : You know who invented the hammock, Homer?

  Homer : No.

  Hank Scorpio : There's something for you to do: find that out.

• [Scorpio has a James Bond-style secret agent strapped to a table with a cutting laser edging up towards him] 

  Hank Scorpio : Ingenious, isn't it, Mr. Bont?

  Bont : Scorpio, you're totally mad.

  Hank Scorpio : Hah. I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk.

  Bont : So, do you expect me to talk?

  Hank Scorpio : I don't expect anything from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral.

  [walks off] 

  Hank Scorpio : You're gonna die now.

• Homer : [gasps]  Tom Landry's hat, and it's autographed. "To Berman's Dry Cleaning. Best wishes, Tom Landry."

  Bart : Why don't you buy it?

  Homer : I can't buy that. Only management-type guys with big salaries like me can afford things like that.

  [gasps] 

  Homer : Guys like me! I'm a guy like me!

• [Homer's family wants to move back to Springfield, but he likes his new job at Globex] 

  Homer : We've got it great here. And for the first time in my life I'm actually good at my job. My team is way ahead of the weather machine and germ warfare divisions.

• Ned Flanders : Uh, huh-huh... Homer, ah... About those things you borrowed from me over the years, you know, the TV trays, the power sander, the downstairs bathtub... You gonna be... needing those things in Cypress Creek?

  Homer : Yes.

  Ned Flanders : Oh. Uh...

  Homer : [coaches Flanders]  Okily dokily...

  Ned Flanders : Okily dokily!

• Hank Scorpio : [It's Homer's first day at his new job and his Boss, Scorpio, is showing him around]  You will notice, my new best friend, that we are very casual around here.

  Homer : Yes Mr.Scorpion, very casual.

  Hank Scorpio : Don't call me Mr.Scorpion. It's Mr.Scorpi*o*, but don't call me that either. Call me Hank!

• Hank Scorpio : [Hank has just introduced Homer to the staff he will be managing]  Give 'em the benefit of your years of experience.

  Homer : Don't worry, that won't take long!

• Hank Scorpio : The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and then I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?

  Homer : Gotcha!

  [Homer closes his eyes and prepares to fall backwards. Hank holds out his hands, ready to catch Homer] 

  Hank Scorpio : Three... Two...

  [nearby phone rings] 

  Hank Scorpio : One second.

  [Homer falls backwards as Hank picks up the phone. Naturally, Homer falls straight to the ground with a loud thud] 

  Hank Scorpio : [to the guy on the phone]  Oh my god, guy's on the floor!

  [to Homer] 

  Hank Scorpio : That was a phone call! Don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.