- Rosalie Aprile: It's not just us. The president of the Unites States for crying out loud, look what his wife had to put up with, with the the blowjobs and the stained dress.
- Angie Bompensiero: Hillary Clinton? I can't stand that woman.
- Rosalie Aprile: I don't know. Maybe we could all take a page from her book.
- Carmela Soprano: What, to be humiliated in public and then walk around smiling all the time? That is so false. I would dig a hole, I would climb into it, and I would not come out.
- Rosalie Aprile: All I know is, she stuck by him and put up with the bullshit and in the end, what did she do? She set up her own little thing.
- Gabriella Dante: She did. She took all that negative shit he gave her and spun it into gold. You gotta give her credit.
- Carmela Soprano: Well, that's true, isn't it?
- Carmela Soprano: She's a role model for all of us.
- Gloria Trillo: [while taking a test drive in a car, after Patsy stopped in an empty parking lot] look, if I'm not back in ten minutes they call the cops: standard operating procedure
- Patsy Parisi: [Takes out a gun and points it at her] here's some "standard operating procedure", stay the fuck away from Tony Soprano. Shut the fuck up and listen, it's over. Over and done. You call or go anywhere near him or his family, they'll be scraping your nipples off these fine leather seats and here's the point to remember: my face will be the last one you see, not Tony's, we understand each other? It won't be cinematic
- Ralphie Cifaretto: Now that you've moved back home, are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl on our couch?
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: Fuck her! And Tony, too, with his stay-in-school bullshit. He could have reached out to somebody at Rutgers.
- Ralphie Cifaretto: [mocking] He should break the dean's legs, 'cause you're too lazy to read a fuckin' book.
- Furio Giunta: [while cursing in Italian caused by the pain from Dr. Freid removing the bullet from his right leg]
- Christopher Moltisanti: Will you shut the fuck up? Your going to make him hit an artery
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Jokingly] you should thank God it didn't anything important
- Furio Giunta: [to Tony while grabbing his shirt, referring Dr. Freid] this fucking prick is really a doctor?
- Dr. Freid: [Noting his a urologist, before removing the bullet] close, I'm a "prick" doctor
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to Jackie Jr] Little mother fucker, his going Tony. His going big time
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You sure it was Jackie Jr.?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I find him, I'm doing him tonight
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, your not
- Christopher Moltisanti: Why not?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Because I said so
- Christopher Moltisanti: Why?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't have to explain nothing to you
- Christopher Moltisanti: Because his Jackie Aprile's kid? Your not going to let this go. You can't do that, he took a shot at me. He tried to kill Furio, we're "made."
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Every person you whack, you risk exposure. Major murders: it's what the Feds ask for Christmas
- Christopher Moltisanti: Bullshit, your a fuckin hypocrite
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The fuck you just say?
- Christopher Moltisanti: You preach all this wise guy shit and meanwhile the only ones that got to play by rules are us. I loved you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What happens is what I decide not you. Now you don't love me anymore that breaks my heart but it's too fuckin bad because you don't got to love me, but you will respect me
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [to a trio of latinos] Go find a fuckin' Taco Bell, before I pop a cap in your asses!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: All right, spit it out. Whenever I bring her up, you get this weird puss, and then you ask me, "does she seem happy?" like maybe she's not. Or, "does she remind you of somebody?" with that weird puss on, like you don't like it. "Our mo fo" or whatever the fuck you call our relationship!
- Carmela Soprano: [while reading the newspaper] this mad cow disease, I think it's terrible the English government didn't tell people sooner
- Tony Soprano: [Jokingly] they probably didn't want to create a stampede
- Carmela Soprano: Oh by the way, guess which former medical student is no longer dating Ms. "Queen of Mean"?
- Tony Soprano: You're kidding? Jackie Jr. and Meadow are finished?
- Carmela Soprano: [Nodding] frankly I am delighted. Angie Bonpensiero said Kevin told her that Jackie Jr. was smoking marijuana and he was caught cheating on an exam at Rutgers
- Tony Soprano: Oh gee, that bad?
- Carmela Soprano: [Referring to Noah Tannenbaum] she would've been better off with that black kid. His got a 4.0 GPA and his moving to India for the U.N. I told you
- Tony Soprano: I suppose that's my fault
- Carmela Soprano: [Before answering the phone when it rings] she wasted three months with Jackie Jr.
- Carmela Soprano: [Over the phone] Hello
- Gloria Trillo: Mrs. Soprano, Gloria Trillo, Globe Motors
- Carmela Soprano: Oh course Hi, how are you?
- Gloria Trillo: I hope I'm not calling you at a bad time but the new E320 just came in and I thought you might want to take a look at it
- Carmela Soprano: Oh no I don't think so, thank you though. I still have another year on my lease
- Gloria Trillo: Well, run it by your husband, maybe he'll want to treat you
- Carmela Soprano: Ok maybe I will. Thank you for calling
- Gloria Trillo: OK bye, hope to see ya
- Carmela Soprano: [Before hanging up] bye bye
- Carmela Soprano: [to Tony] What a nice woman
- Tony Soprano: Who?
- Carmela Soprano: Some sales woman from Globe Motors
- Tony Soprano: What?
- Carmela Soprano: She wants me to test-drive the new E series wagon and I'm not interested but she was awfully nice to me the other day. She gave me a ride home while they serviced the wagon but I really should hold onto it for another year don't you think?
- Tony Soprano: Another year, yeah
- Service Manager: I was just wondering if we could switch days off
- Gloria Trillo: [after seeing Tony enter the car dealership] alright just give me a minute
- Service Manager: I just thought we could switch days off
- Gloria Trillo: yeah sure, I just got a customer coming in alright?
- Gloria Trillo: [Greeting him] Tony
- Tony Soprano: [Forcefully grabs her arm and pulls her into her office to talk privately] don't you fuckin "Tony" me, are you out of your fuckin mind talking to my wife?
- Gloria Trillo: Alright I was upset about your ex-girlfriend alright? The "poor confused kid." I thought you should see my version. I'm sorry alright?
- Tony Soprano: You drove her home, what the fuck? And you look right into my eyes and don't tell me?
- Gloria Trillo: Alright it's just normal to be curious about someone that you love's significant other
- Tony Soprano: No, it's not: it's fuckin twisted
- Gloria Trillo: No, it is not. I don't want to argue, your upset and I understand it's on the margins for someone like you and I'm sorry. It'll never happen again, ever
- Tony Soprano: No shit, now you can tell your shrink your own dating relationships
- Service Manager: [after he leaves her office] what'd you mean?
- Tony Soprano: [while leaving the dealership] it's fuckin over
- Ralph Cifaretto: I gotta give your father credit for this. He had balls as big as an Irish broad's ass. There was this old "mustache": Feech La Manna and he was "made" on the other side so you know he was an "Original"
- Dino Zerilli: He was an "O.G."
- Ralph Cifaretto: Well, he had this Saturday night card game, your father sees this as our big chance to step up to the A league. Connected or not, him, me, and Tony are going to rob it. We thought your father lost a marble but he said "fuck it."
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Referring to his father and admiring him] Balls
- Dino Zerilli: What happened?
- Ralph Cifaretto: They took it down and walked away with like twenty large
- Dino Zerilli: Jesus Christ
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: What'd you mean "they"? You didn't go?
- Ralph Cifaretto: Oh please, I'm still sick over it. I caught the clap from a hippie broad I was fuckin. My dick was dripping like a busted pipe. Anyways the rest is history: your father and Tony were on the fast track to being "made" and I was still a little "shit heel" like the two of you
- Dino Zerilli: Did they get away with it?
- Ralph Cifaretto: There was a sit-down and the right people got some of their money back. The point was made: your father and Tony were rising stars and had to be respected
- Carmela Soprano: [Referring to Gloria giving her a ride home from the car dealership] this is very sweet of you
- Gloria Trillo: Don't believe it. Everybody's a potential sale, so what'd you do?
- Carmela Soprano: I'm a home maker
- Gloria Trillo: You must make a very nice home to drive a Benz. So your married?
- Carmela Soprano: 'Yes
- Gloria Trillo: Kids?
- Carmela Soprano: Two, you?
- Gloria Trillo: No, boys? Girls?
- Carmela Soprano: One boy one girl, boy is still in high school and my daughter's in college. She's not too far away though. She's in New York City, Columbia actually
- Gloria Trillo: School of broadcasting?
- Carmela Soprano: Oh, no the university it's an ivy league. It's one of the top schools
- Gloria Trillo: I know, I was just kidding
- Carmela Soprano: [laughs] oh, right
- Gloria Trillo: These kids today. They got the world by the you know what
- Carmela Soprano: Tell me about it
- Gloria Trillo: At least your daughter doesn't need to "latch" onto a man for success
- Carmela Soprano: Thank God
- Gloria Trillo: That's a beautiful ring
- Carmela Soprano: Thank you
- Gloria Trillo: What's your husband do?
- Carmela Soprano: Well, his involved in a few businesses
- Gloria Trillo: Sounds mysterious
- Carmela Soprano: No, it's not really
- Ralph Cifaretto: [referring to the amount of money Dino and Jackie gave him] not bad
- Dino Zerilli: since we're "kicking up", we were "hoping", you could, you know, "watch our back?"
- Ralph Cifaretto: three fifty buys you "hello", "watching your back" is going to require a little more "initiative" on your part
- Ralph Cifaretto: [after he sees Jackie rolls his eyes and shake his head] oh, look at the face, what's he got to be frowning about?
- Ralph Cifaretto: [to Jackie] tell me Romeo, now that you've moved back home, are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl on our couch?
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: fuck her and Tony, too, with his "staying in school" bullshit. He could have reached out to somebody at Rutgers
- Ralph Cifaretto: he should break the dean's legs, because you're too lazy to read a fuckin book. Now go ahead, I gotta make some calls: you did good, keep coming by
- Carmela Soprano: [while in the Brooklyn Museum] Imagine having your portrait in a museum like this
- Meadow Soprano: She's just the wife of some rich merchant: that's how Rubens made his money
- Carmela Soprano: You sure talk the talk, Ms. Art History, I have never seen grades like this from you
- Meadow Soprano: Well, you take Intro to Symbiotics
- Carmela Soprano: If you spend more time in your books and less in Jackie's car...
- Meadow Soprano: [referring to their relationship] Please, that is so over
- Carmela Soprano: [surprised] Just like that? What happened?
- Meadow Soprano: [after they walk over to another painting] Are you crying? What's the matter?
- Carmela Soprano: I don't know: just look at it
- Meadow Soprano: [reading the name of the painter and painting from the display card] Jusepe de Ribera The Mystical Marriage of Saint Catherine
- Carmela Soprano: That's the baby Jesus
- Meadow Soprano: [jokingly] She's marrying a baby? Good luck
- Carmela Soprano: We all do
- Meadow Soprano: What?
- Carmela Soprano: I shouldn't be sarcastic, just look at her, the little baby's hand up against her cheek. She's so at peace, beautiful... innocent, gorgeous little baby. Come on, let's go eat
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: Eugene Pontecorvo's got a card game: we can take it down
- Dino Zerilli: what're you fuckin crazy? His with Ralph, so for all intents and purposes, that's Ralph's game
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: that's even better. Fuck him and his washing dishes bullshit, you know what? I think he's a fuckin secret fag
- Dino Zerilli: [referring to committing the robbery] I don't know
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: maybe we'd take Carlo too? His got a shotgun: we wear masks, we go in, we're out in like two minutes
- Dino Zerilli: what if they find out it's us?
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: we want them to but not right away. It's like what Ralph said, even when they do, you know it's gonna get "squashed." My old man's Jackie Aprile. The worse that'll happen is we have to give some of it back. We pull this off, we'll be like free agents, we dictate the terms: not them
- Rosalie Aprile: [referring to her son having gone missing] have you heard anything?
- Ralph Cifaretto: he probably went down to Florida, I'm sure his alright
- Ralph Cifaretto: [while they sit down] look, this is going to be hard for you to hear...
- Rosalie Aprile: [suddenly panicking, assuming his going to tell her Jackie K Jr. is dead] oh, Jesus Christ
- Ralph Cifaretto: [calming her down] it's ok, he has a very serious drug problem
- Rosalie Aprile: [shocked] what?
- Ralph Cifaretto: it's coke, he may owe some money to dealers
- Rosalie Aprile: oh, my God
- Ralph Cifaretto: I didn't wanna tell you this. Look, we're doing everything we can, we're gonna find him and we're gonna get him help... get him to rehab. Let's just hope his not too far along
- Carmela Soprano: [during confession] I went to see a psychiatrist. That's why Father Intintola suggested I talk to you, he said you were getting a doctorate in psychiatry from Seaton Hall
- Father Obosi: [correcting her] Psychology
- Carmela Soprano: A psychiatrist told me my whole life's a lie and his right and now I think I'm sick and if I die, I will never be with God in eternity
- Father Obosi: You are ill?
- Carmela Soprano: I'm pretty sure I have ovarian cancer
- Father Obosi: What does your doctor say?
- Carmela Soprano: I haven't seen one. I'm afraid
- Father Obosi: Why do you think your ill?
- Carmela Soprano: I'm spotting. I have lower back pain, my hormones are all over the place, my cousin Kathy died from it
- Father Obosi: God doesn't punish people for mistakes that they've made: He loves you more than you know and you thought that with your symptoms, you may be carrying a child?
- Carmela Soprano: No, that's not it
- Father Obosi: Would you be more comfortable if set the sacrament aside for a moment, and stepped into my office?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after seeing her hang up her cell phone, frustrated, while they lie on a bed in a hotel room] What?
- Gloria Trillo: I thought it might be my sister?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That family shit you were telling me about?
- Gloria Trillo: yeah
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's ok if you don't wanna talk about it, really
- Gloria Trillo: She said I could never see my niece and nephew again, right before Christmas
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When we had a new Santa Clause at our Christmas party in the neighborhood... it wasn't very good
- Gloria Trillo: I love those two children so much. She said I was turning them against their father, which I wasn't, not that he doesn't deserve it, fuckin crackhead sack of shit. Hannah and Shamus go to this "alternative", private, elementary school in Santa Monica where it's all about the children's self esteem
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, I hate that shit
- Gloria Trillo: so, I happen to ask Hannah, she's in the third grade, "Are you gonna be in the Christmas play"? She says "We don't call it the Christmas play, we call it the 'Winter Festival." So I was like "Whatever." I don't say anything and then Shamus says "We're not allowed to call it "Christmas, we call Christmas the C word" and I fuckin flipped out
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What did Shamus say?
- Gloria Trillo: Fuck does he know? His ten. So, my sister gets all pissed off because her husband, their father, teaches at the school except his on medical leave for "substance abuse treatment" and one thing led to another and she said I always had it in for John: she forbid me to see them again
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He smokes crack? This fuck?
- Gloria Trillo: Without those two kids. Maybe we'll I'll get lucky? The way these trucks go by out here, maybe I'll get plastered onto a grill?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, what the fuck?
- Gloria Trillo: I'm just kidding, it never rains. I think their gonna fire me over at Globe: fuckin Arnie Mills sexually harasses me and then dares me to sue
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Uh huh
- Gloria Trillo: Anyway, fuck him
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Gloria] Me and this broad, we're leather and lace, Burning ring of fire, whatever the fuck
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Amour Fou as the French call it, Crazy love all consuming
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's it, I tell you, we push each other's buttons
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Most people don't push your buttons
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not true. I know you think I'm like a Hard cold captain of industry type. That's not all there is. I don't know, she gets freaky, I mean what'd you think? Is she a full blown loop de loop or what?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: As you well know I cannot...
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [interrupts her] Discuss another patient
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to bribing her to know Gloria's psychiatric evaluation] What if I duke you an extra five?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm not charging you at all this month because last month you overpaid
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, you gave me a lot of good tips that session
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sternly] I won't have it, don't offer it again
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, alright, Jesus
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's get back to Gloria
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She never wants any money either
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And you like this about her?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's very independent minded, that I do like
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You see her as independent, strong
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why? She's not?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're talking about your perceptions
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She made her own way in the world. Irina was such a helpless fuckin baby. Gloria knows a lot of shit, Buddhism, the movies, she went to Morocco all by herself. Those eyes, dark black eyes. When she stares, she's like a Spanish princess in one of those paintings, a Goyim. Her eyes are deep
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [assuming what she's referring to] Complicated
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I said Deep. You said Complicated
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You said Dark
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] All right, spit it out. Whenever I bring her up, you get this weird puss, and then you ask me, Does she seem happy? like maybe she's not? Or, Does she remind you of somebody? With that weird puss on, like you don't like it. Our mo fo or whatever the fuck you call our relationship!
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You've told me what you see in Gloria. What do you think she sees in you?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, please, what does she see in me? I don't know all the faggots and fuckin crybabies running around, I mean whatever else I am, I'm not them. I'm more of, you know, like I said Captain of industry type
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're a tough guy
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, come on
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's ok, you can say it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Come on, you'll embarrass me with that shit now
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [before Tony nods] Does Gloria know what you do for a living?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You mentioned Fire can we say there are certain kinds of people that are drawn to fire? Looking for an inevitable result, like a moth to a flame?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [doubting her assessment] And this is Gloria? And I'm the flame?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to Gloria throwing a piece of London broil at him out of anger] Why would anybody hit you of all people with a side of beef?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's Complicated
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I said Complicated. Dark you said
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, I said her eyes are Dark