- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm gonna go back in there and be with my guests. Exactly ten minutes, I'm gonna look up, if you're not here i'm gonna assume that you went to look for whatever the fuck it is that's calling you out there. And then I will never see you again. If you are still here, then I'm gonna assume that you have no other desire in the world than to be with me. And your actions will show me that every second of every fucking day. You understand me? Don't answer me. Take the ten minutes, you think about it.
- Tony Soprano: [Driving in car] So what's goin' on with you?
- A.J. Soprano: Nothin'.
- Tony Soprano: Nothin. You know, that 'No God' shit. That upsets your mother very much.
- A.J. Soprano: It's not 'No God'. It's 'God is dead.'
- Tony Soprano: Who said that?
- A.J. Soprano: [Misspeaks] Nitch. He's a 19th century philosopher from Germany. Anyway, that's why I'm not getting confirmed.
- Tony Soprano: Enough with that shit, alright? Your confirmation's comin' up this weekend and you ARE gettin' confirmed!
- A.J. Soprano: That sucks my nut!
- Tony Soprano: [Lightly slaps AJ with the back of his hand] Ay! You got a lotta balls, you know that? You go to Catholic school and your mother wants it!
- A.J. Soprano: Yeah, what does she know?
- Tony Soprano: She knows that even if God IS dead, you're still gonna kiss his ass!
- Christopher Moltisanti: [talking about Jon Favreau] "Swingers"! He can suck my dick! It swings, too!
- Adriana La Cerva: [having dinner at a restaurant] I spent all day with my best friend Anna picking out bride's maid dresses
- Carmela Soprano: I still haven't found any flowers for Anthony's confirmation
- Adriana La Cerva: With all the flowers coming into bloom, I would love to be a June bride
- Tony Soprano: [while seeing Christopher arriving] There's your June groom
- Christopher Moltisanti: [after sitting down] Sorry I'm late
- Adriana La Cerva: Babe, I ordered you some pasta fazool to start and we're gonna get a plate of antipasto to share: they got some rare imported salami
- Adriana La Cerva: [while touching his forehead] You feel ok Christopher?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'm fine
- Adriana La Cerva: We were just discussing Anna's wedding
- Carmela Soprano: What about you guys?
- Christopher Moltisanti: What about who guys?
- Tony Soprano: You should make it a double wedding
- Adriana La Cerva: [referring to Christopher] First, someone has to propose
- Carmela Soprano: Has Anna chosen her caterer yet?
- Adriana La Cerva: She booked Bill Roma
- Carmela Soprano: If you ask me, Carnevalzio's slipping
- Adriana La Cerva: I heard they fired the produce guy
- Christopher Moltisanti: [interrupts them] Enough! I am so sick and tired of you people talk about food, food, food: that's all anybody talks about is Braciole, cheese and fuckin fava beans. I'm drowning here
- Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ: take it easy
- Christopher Moltisanti: We're not even engaged yet
- Tony Soprano: Well, when you're married, you'll understand the "importance" of fresh produce
- Christopher Moltisanti: [before pouring his glass of wine into his bowl of soup and leaving] Fuck the importance
- Carmela Soprano: He didn't mean that
- Adriana La Cerva: [becoming upset] Oh, fuck him. I tried so hard to be supportive with his art and getting his screenplay made
- Tony Soprano: [surprised] His screenplay?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Telling and Amy and Jon a story] This made guy has the most discriminating eye when it comes to T&A, so his at a club one night and there's girls all over him and one of them has a really nice body and she's horny as hell, so they step outside and walk over to a playground and starts blowing him on the swing set. When he's about shoot his load, he starts feeling inside her skirt and reaches in and grabs a hold of a God damn "prick".
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You never went through it?
- Tony Soprano: You think my mother and father will stand for that shit?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How is your mother?
- Tony Soprano: She's dead to me
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And how's Anthony Jr. been taking it?
- Tony Soprano: What? About the family?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: About his non-relationship with his grandmother, how is he suppose to understand that? And in general the whole strain of the current atmosphere in your household? But that don't give him the right to mouth off
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It sounds to me like Anthony Jr. may have stumbled onto existentialism.
- Tony Soprano: Fuckin Internet.
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No, no, no it's a European philosophy after World War two people were disillusioned by the sheer weight of the horrors and that's when the whole idea took route that there were no "absolute truths"
- Tony Soprano: You believe that?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: In your family? Even motherhood is up for debate
- Tony Soprano: No its not I teach him to love, respect and appreciate his mother
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But what about your mother? Anthony I think it's important to talk about your mother and what she tried to do to you
- Tony Soprano: Don't need to, she showed her "true colors", that's all
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Has Anthony Jr. heard you say "she's dead to me"?
- Tony Soprano: I don't know
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, don't you think that kind of talk can lead a kid to embrace these ideas?
- Tony Soprano: Oh, so now this is my fault?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No, when some people first realize that their solely responsible for their decisions, actions and beliefs and that death lies at the end of every road they can be overcome with "intense dread"
- Tony Soprano: "Intense dread"?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A dull aching anger that leads them to conclude that the only "absolute truth" is death
- Tony Soprano: I think the kid's onto something
- Christopher Moltisanti: [after he storms in the lobby of the office building where she works] what is this shit? You don't return my fuckin messages?
- Amy Safir: [surprised to see him] this is so not cool
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to the incident he told her and Jon in private about a mobster assaulting a woman over a sexual dispute] you listen to me now, you stupid bitch: you cannot use that story
- Amy Safir: [attempting to calm him down] alright, this is neither the time or place
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to him getting killed] what? You want to see me "clipped?"
- Amy Safir: [referring to contacting him] have you "touched base" with Jon?
- Christopher Moltisanti: what the fuck? I called, I spoke to his jerk off assistant. She said I should take that up with you
- Amy Safir: I'm sorry, I don't even know who that may be. Look, I'm flying into LA, we'll "touch base"
- Christopher Moltisanti: you were just gonna leave?
- Amy Safir: what are you talking about?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to him having his movie made by them] my script
- Amy Safir: based on Mickey Blue Eyes, there's a "wait and see" attitude towards any mafia related projects right now so we're going to have to pass
- Christopher Moltisanti: did Jon say that? Are those his words?
- Amy Safir: I speak for Jon and if you'd let me finish, we wanna assure you, we'll take a look at anything else you write
- Christopher Moltisanti: your good: fuckin walnuts don't lie as good as you
- Amy Safir: [referring to their affair] it was wrong with us, and Greg and all that
- Christopher Moltisanti: [disappointed] I really liked you
- Christopher Moltisanti: [yells to her as she walks away, implying she has a low status in Hollywood and filmmaking] fuckin D-girl
- Amy Safir: [insulted] excuse me? I'm a Vice President, you fucking asshole
- A.J. Soprano: [Referring to damaging Carmella's station wagon] it wasn't my fault
- Carmela Soprano: You stole my car, where is the trust in this house?
- A.J. Soprano: When I get confirmed, I'm going to be a man so how come I can't drive?
- Tony Soprano: You really want to get into this huh? Who was that "man" we had to pick at camp last year for bed wetting?
- A.J. Soprano: That was the year before last
- Carmela Soprano: You could've killed those girls
- A.J. Soprano: That would've been interesting
- Carmela Soprano: What? What'd you just say?
- A.J. Soprano: Death just shows you the ultimate absurdity of life
- Tony Soprano: What is this? Are you trying to get me to lose my temper? Because I'm about to put you through that God damn window
- A.J. Soprano: See? That's what I mean: life is absurd
- Carmela Soprano: Don't say that God forgive you
- A.J. Soprano: There is no God
- Carmela Soprano: Where is this coming from?
- Tony Soprano: What'd they teach you this crap at school?
- Carmela Soprano: Is this the new English teacher Mr. Clark..?Where is he from?
- Meadow Soprano: [after AJ remains silent, while walking into the kitchen] Oberland. You want him to read something other than Hustler? Hello? He got assigned a stranger. You want him to be an educated person? What'd you think education is? You just make more money? This is education
- A.J. Soprano: Do you ever think like why were we born?
- Meadow Soprano: Madame de Staël said "In life, one must choose between boredom and suffering."
- Tony Soprano: [to Meadow] Go to your room
- A.J. Soprano: No, I'm serious why were we born?
- Carmela Soprano: We were born because of Adam and Eve, that's why. Now go upstairs and do your math
- Meadow Soprano: Algebra? That's the most boring
- Tony Soprano: Well, your other choice is suffering, you want to start now? Move your ass!
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [instructing his son how to hit baseballs] Elbow up Matt, keep it straight
- Matt Bonpensiero: [referring to his coach] He'll just have me "pull" more
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Fuck him, my son don't hit sacrifice flies
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [to AJ] you're up next
- A.J. Soprano: Nah, I just want to watch
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: You gotta snap out of this Anthony
- Matt Bonpensiero: Come on AJ, it's fun
- A.J. Soprano: Yeah, I just don't feel like it
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to
- A.J. Soprano: Why?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Because your parents said so and it's part of your tradition
- A.J. Soprano: baseball's not part of my tradition
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: no, it ain't, your dad in high school was almost all county left field, but I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about your confirmation
- A.J. Soprano: I don't want to get confirmed
- Matt Bonpensiero: [while exiting the batting cage] Why not?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: It don't matter why not. If you're looking for a purpose in life, doing what's right is a purpose
- A.J. Soprano: yeah, that's not what Nitch says
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: who?
- Matt Bonpensiero: [correcting AJ's pronunciation of the surname of the German philosopher] Nietzsche. Let me tell you something: Nietzsche wound up talking to his horse and I know what you're going to tell me, Chaucer right? Well, Chaucer was a fuckin fraud. He copied off Husserl and Heidegger. Hey, you should start at the beginning: take a look at Kierkegaard
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [while in AJ's room] We need to talk: you need to listen. You see your parents as these great big dictators, these disciplinarians but I know your dad since before he was younger than you
- A.J. Soprano: yeah, what difference does that make?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Listen to me alright? You listening?
- A.J. Soprano: yeah
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I was sixteen years old and my kid sister Nucci, she had the Spinal Meningitis and she got to a point where she couldn't breathe
- A.J. Soprano: She was real sick?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Yeah, and she was in the hospital and your father, he's the only one, he came with me every day: he sat by the bed, he looked at her drawings, he watched her for me when I had to use the john or get something to eat. I was down there in line for a hamburger when she passed away
- A.J. Soprano: she died huh?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Yeah
- A.J. Soprano: You know what really pisses me off about my dad? He did all these great things... then, before he was my dad. Now his just an asshole
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Hey, listen to me, your father would catch a bullet for you. Don't you ever forget that, his a stand-up guy"
- A.J. Soprano: I don't know: not to me his not
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Well, I do know and I know what kind of a man he is, don't ever forget it