The Sopranos (TV Series)
Funhouse (2000)
James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano
Photos
Quotes
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [Tony is having a fever dream where Pussy is a fish on ice at a food market] How much you weigh?
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : Eight pounds.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Lost a lot of weight!
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : Swimmin'! The best exercise. Works every muscle group.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Get the fuck outta here! You never exercised once in your life!
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : Anyway, $4 a pound.
[pause]
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : You know I've been working with the government, right, Ton'?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Don't say it.
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : C'mon, Ton'. Sooner or later, you gotta face facts.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : I don't want to hear it.
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : Well you're *gonna* hear it.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [dejectedly] Fuck.
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : You passed me over for promotion, Ton'. You knew.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : How much shit you give 'em?
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : A lot.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Jesus, Puss.
[pause]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Fuck of a way for it all to end, huh?
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : Yeah.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Yeah.
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : [referring to the fish lying next to him] These guys, on either side of me... they're asleep.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Don't say that! Not fuckin' funny!
[angrily turns over the table and knocks all the fish to the ground]
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Why are you making me do this, you fat, fucking, miserable piece of shit?
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Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : [Tony, Paulie and Silvio are about to execute Pussy,sadly] you were like a brother to me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [teared up] to all of us.
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Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bompensiero : We got any good tequila? You know that acupuncturist down in Puerto Rico? 26... Tell you, this broad, her ass was the second coming. Never wore panties. Brushed her teeth with this shit. Every night she'd drink me under the fucking table. And I'd eat her out when I was down there.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Hey, Puss. Did she even really exist?
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : In a few weeks, we're gonna be opening up the books, again. I'm gonna propose you for membership. Congratulations.
Christopher Moltisanti : I earned it, too. Got no spleen, Gene.
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [referring to his mother] ... They won't have her back at Green Grove.
Barbara Soprano Giglione : Tony...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : She was abusive to the staff!
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Tony Soprano : My mother, my fuckin God damn idiot of a mother, you'd think she was never married to Johnny Soprano
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Is there something else bothering you Anthony?
Tony Soprano : [referring to his mother] That's not enough? Fuckin demented old bat
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : You're so angry with your mother and the airline tickets and I'm not saying it's not serious but a year ago your mother colluded to have you killed yet you never say anything about that even when I try to illicit. If she tried to have you killed a year ago, believe me in your childhood, she's inflicted serious psychic injuries that are still there
Tony Soprano : [Jokingly, sobbingly, puts his shoes on her coffee table] poor me
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : And your father: the gangster, tough guy but did he ever protect you kids from this borderline mother? What the hell was going on there?
Tony Soprano : What is this? "Little snacks for thought" for me to take home?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I haven't pushed you enough to confront these things, somewhere along the line I became frightened of you
Tony Soprano : Frightened?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Maybe I should've seen that clearer in the beginning
Tony Soprano : [Eventually sings] maybe baby, "I'll have you..."
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Rage Anthony is a big loud flaming self distraction fraction from feelings that are even more frightening
Tony Soprano : What feelings might those be?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Sadness, you go off on a racist rant about Indian food, your demented old bat of a mother. What else has happened?
Tony Soprano : Nothing
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : After two years treating you I've learned things and I pick up sorrow coming from you
Tony Soprano : [Intentionally changing the topic] I had a dream I fucked your brains out, right on that desk, you loved it
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Well, you threw that me like a rock. Sadness Anthony stay with that. Your mother tried to kill you and you gave her airline tickets
Tony Soprano : Fuck you
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Now you're really in trouble,
Tony Soprano : [Before getting up to leave] I'm going to beat this shit, you kidding me? And with that
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Oh F**k it's the chicken Vindaloo
[Carmela walks out of the bedroom]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : F*****g m***********g Wogs!
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [At their kid's high school graduation] great to see your kid graduate huh?
David Scatino : Yeah, the youth, that's what's important. What we do are small potatoes
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : and Eric, state college, right?
David Scatino : [Referring to the fact they can't afford to send him to a private university] he got accepted to Georgetown, a little money "pinch"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Listen, I heard you and Charlene split up
David Scatino : Christine. I'm getting the fuck out of here, I got a job on a ranch out west
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : What? Don't make me fuckin laugh
David Scatino : Hey, I lived in New Mexico until I was eleven remember? You ever try riding?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [after looking down at his weight] uh, no
David Scatino : The airlines are running specials non-stop into Nevada, fly right into Vegas, you should come hang out: new day
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Vegas huh? Alright Davey. Take care of yourself, drive safe
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Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [while in Neil's office, referring to his mother and the airline tickets he bought through the Scatino bust out] I knew I was giving her a bad ticket: That "voice"
Neil Mink : It's done: it's over, my advice now is to put it behind you. If this is all there is, these twenty-three tickets, they don't have "butt-kiss" and they know it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : I know it's a small but don't you see? That's the fuckin point, one more minute, if I could've just stood there, saying "Yes ma, ok ma", I hear ya ma", one more fuckin minute I wouldn't be here in this spot. I beat a homicide and I fucked up. I "blew" an "easy one. I "blew" everything
Neil Mink : Tony...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [interrupts him] No, fuckin "Tony", we got federal charges, we got the FAA, before this is over, their gonna pin the Egypt Air "thing" on me and you fuckin know it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [sighs, becoming nervous] Predicates up the ass, fuckin RICO case, thirty to life
Neil Mink : Don't think about that now: you'll make bail. There's no "capital crimes", get on with life
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Annalisa : You are the biggest threat to yourself.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : That's what being a human being is.