The Sopranos (TV Series)

House Arrest (2000)

James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tony Soprano : [to Richie Aprile]  Don't give me your fucking Manson lamps. Just fucking stop it. Understand?

• Tony Soprano : You know we're the only country in the world where the pursuit of happiness is guaranteed in writing? You believe that? Bunch of fucking spoiled brats. Where's my happiness then?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : It's the pursuit that's guaranteed.

  Tony Soprano : Yeah. Always a fucking loophole, right?

• Tony Soprano : Got any blow?

  Richie Aprile : [Surprised]  what?

  Tony Soprano : Blow, coke, you don't keep it on you? I've got to go to the deli in Nutley?

  Richie Aprile : Tony...

  Tony Soprano : [Interrupts him]  you don't sell that shit along those routes you understand me?

  Richie Aprile : I'm working with Junior on this

  Tony Soprano : I don't give a shit if you're working with Wal-Mart, knock it the fuck off

  Richie Aprile : I'm trying to earn here, we're saving for a house

  Tony Soprano : You got enough on your plate just picking up garbage

  Richie Aprile : Not if you and that cock sucker Borone won't let me "expand"

  Tony Soprano : Are you stupid? Or what? After five years the cops are finally leaving garbage alone. A drug bust on one of those routes is a different story, you got the FBI, you got the DEA, and all those fuckin pricks are going to breathing down our necks again

  Richie Aprile : It's a little coke, what is the big deal?

  Tony Soprano : You and my uncle, you want to deal drugs? That's your business. You do it on association garbage routes it's my business. It stops today, you got it?

  Richie Aprile : [Remains silent, while staring] 

  Tony Soprano : [Telling him to stop staring]  don't give me your fuckin Manson lamps. Just fucking stop. Another thing: don't tip our truck on a problem customer. You know I fuckin hate how you make me fuckin ride you. Now get the fuck out of here

• Dr. Jennifer Melfi : So, what's up?

  Tony Soprano : I don't know, I'm bored or something. I don't want to come here no more

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Wow, that's not the first time we've heard you say that

  Tony Soprano : No offense but let's face it, this is starting to feel like a waste of time. I'm sure for the both of us

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I don't feel that way

  Tony Soprano : Like the other day I'm watching this movie with Brad Pitt and that blonde Gwyneth Paltrow,

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Sliding Doors?

  Tony Soprano : Fuck no, Seven. It's a good movie, I've never seen it before, but half way through it I'm thinking this is bullshit, it's a waste of my fuckin time, why do I give a fuck who the killer is? What difference is that information going to make in my life?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Very true

  Tony Soprano : So, I shut it off

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Good for you, what did you do instead?

  Tony Soprano : [Jokingly]  went outside and burned ants with a magnifying glass

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [Remains silent] 

  Tony Soprano : [Sensing she doesn't realize it was a joke]  a little sense of humor here?

  Tony Soprano : What's the matter? You still in mourning over managed care?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Go on

  Tony Soprano : What's the point? You go to Italy you lift some weights, you watch a movie, It's all a series of distractions until you die

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I hear depression talking

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [Becoming irritated]  Well, I'm not upping my dosage. Medication, medication, medication, what do I got to show for it?

  Tony Soprano : Who knows where you'd be without the medication? Anyway some people take pleasure in the simple doing of things

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : The things I take pleasure in I can't do. I'm currently trying to change my "business profile", if you know what I mean

  Tony Soprano : Oh, so it's all about your legal problems?

• Tony Soprano : I'm trying to keep a low profile, what's the fuckin point? I'm still a miserable prick and I'm still passing out

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [Remains silent] 

  Tony Soprano : Well, you seem very mellow today?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Let's talk about you

  Tony Soprano : [Eventually referring to the suicide of the actor George Sanders]  You seem like you're on drugs and I'm boring myself to death and I'm ready for the "George Sanders long walk here"

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Do you know why a shark keeps moving?

  Tony Soprano : [while rubbing his head]  they gotta keep moving or they'll die or something

• Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano : [Meeting privately in Junior's doctor's office]  that coke provides a nice income stream you have any ideas the bills I got?

  Tony Soprano : Just keep it away from the garbage routes

  Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano : The lawyers, the doctors, the double sawbuck for a plastic pillow just so I can sit comfortably

  Tony Soprano : Why don't you just sit on that nice pile of cash you got?

  Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano : My finances are nobody's God damn business

  Tony Soprano : [Referring to Richie]  The garbage is my business and I don't want you and that shit bird fuckin it up

  Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano : [Amused]  Your business?

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, why don't you get it through that bald dome of yours?

  Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano : Why does everything have to be so difficult? You know back in the fifties we worked together. Even rival families settled their differences amicably

  Tony Soprano : [Sarcastically]  oh yeah, I remember that picture of Albert Anastasia lying there all "amicable" on the barber shop floor

  Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano : There were exceptions: I'm just saying

• Neil Mink : [after Tony places a case of champagne on his desk]  what's all this?

  Tony Soprano : [jokingly]  you looked thirsty the last time I saw you

  Tony Soprano : [sarcastically as Neil gives Tony back a bag of money he asked him to hold for him]  Oh, yeah, I knew I left this some place

  Neil Mink : [walks to the front of his desk]  Anything new?

  Tony Soprano : You know, keeping busy

  Neil Mink : [while lighting a cigar for Tony]  Carmela? The kids?

  Tony Soprano : Good, you know school shit

  Neil Mink : You bet that game last night?

  Tony Soprano : [referring to the bag of money]  Yeah, what'd you think I need this for?

  Tony Soprano : [after sitting down]  so, what do I owe you counselor?

  Neil Mink : you pay me when I actually have to do something

  Tony Soprano : Let's hope that fuckin day never comes right?

  Neil Mink : It almost did very recently

  Tony Soprano : [sarcastically]  here we go: the Neil Mink lecture series

  Neil Mink : well, isn't it fair to say we were staring into the abyss? A very close call with the brush on that murder beef

  Tony Soprano : I told you, I was home alone

  Neil Mink : [jokingly]  you and Macaulay Culkin: except neither one of you would've been alone. Champagne's nice. You want to give me a real gift? Insulate yourself from these shenanigans, I told you once already

  Tony Soprano : [irritated]  I do, I am, what the fuck do you want from me?

  Neil Mink : [sternly]  Use one of the businesses we've got doing something besides showing income on a tax return: spend some time at Garden State Refinery

  Tony Soprano : Oh, please, do you know what boiling fat smells like?

  Neil Mink : you have an office at Barone Sanitation: get your ass out of that strip club and go there

  Tony Soprano : Alright, I hear ya

  Neil Mink : the FEDS are a business, millions of tax dollars in watching your ass. Sooner or later, just like you, their gonna want a return on that investment

• Tony Soprano : [after meeting Barone's secretary]  Nice rack

  Dick Barone : Born Again Christian

  Tony Soprano : [intrigued]  Oh yeah?

  Dick Barone : Listen, while I have you here we may have a little problem: Richie Aprile

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, I know, I heard he tipped the truck at the deli in Nutley

  Dick Barone : Fucking guy but that's not it. One of our drivers, Richie's got him running an operation selling blow along the routes: now the Department of Sanitation I can handle but if the DEA gets involved, we're gonna lose our 901

  Tony Soprano : Son of a fuckin bitch

  Dick Barone : I'm sorry, I don't like to break your balls

  Tony Soprano : You know that piece of shit is gonna be my brother-in-law? Nice huh?

• Dr. Baumgartner : [while looking at his rash, speculating on the cause]  any allergies? Shellfish perhaps?

  Tony Soprano : no, I eat shrimp all the time

  Dr. Baumgartner : MSG? Any change in medication?

  Tony Soprano : no

  Dr. Baumgartner : a new laundry detergent, something like that?

  Tony Soprano : I don't know, I don't think so

  Dr. Baumgartner : have you... ever been under any "undue" stress lately?

  Tony Soprano : [irritated, referring to medical professionals]  is that the only word you people know?

  Dr. Baumgartner : sometimes pressure can result in Contact Dermatitis

  Tony Soprano : [surprised, while pointing to it]  oh, is that what that is? See? Now, I knew that was bad

  Dr. Baumgartner : it means "rash"

  Tony Soprano : [annoyed]  look at it, it's bleeding for Christ's sake

  Dr. Baumgartner : you've been scratching it. You said you work at a sanitation transfer station, "dollars to donuts", you'd be exposed to an irritant in the air

  Tony Soprano : I sit in an office

  Dr. Baumgartner : I'll write you a prescription for a cortisone cream. Dr. Cusamano tells me you've been seeing a psychotherapist

  Tony Soprano : so?

  Dr. Baumgartner : I suggest you talk about "stress management" with him