- Mr. Mackey: [Mr Mackey catches the boy smoking outside the school] OK, let me tell you boys something about smoking, OK? Smoking's bad. And if you start smoking at an early age, it's gonna be bad. And smoking can lead to all kinds of health problems... like cancer... OK? And let me tell you something about cancer... cancer's bad.
- Cigarette Factory Employees: And if it gives me Cancer when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the Hell wants to be 90, anyway?
- [last lines]
- Stan Marsh: Well, I guess we learned our lesson.
- Kyle Broflovski: No we didn't, dude! No we didn't!
- Rob Reiner: All right, boys. Just do what I tell you and we'll be able to sue this tobacco company for 2 billion dollars. As soon as we get to the main facility, I'll snap the photo of you kids then we can all run out. Think you can handle it?
- Eric Cartman: Handle it? For 2 billion dollars I'd handle my grandpa's balls, sir.
- Cigarette Factory Employees: With a hidy-lidy-lidy and a hidy-lidy-lay, we work and we make cigarettes all hidy-lidy-day.
- Rob Reiner: Eric, do you know what a hero is? A hero is somebody who sacrifices himself for the good of others. You can be a hero, Eric. All you have to do... is eat the cupcake.
- Kyle Broflovski: This seems like another one of those times when things are gonna get way out of hand, you know? It's been happening a lot, lately.
- Eric Cartman: I thought you guys were my friends, but I guess I was wrong.
- Kyle Broflovski: Yeah, dude. You were totally wrong.
- Kenny McCormick: Uh-huh.
- Sharon Marsh: Stanley, what did you do this time?
- Principal Victoria: You better brace yourselves, parents. The boys were caught... smoking!
- Sheila Broflovski: [the boys' parents stare in shock] SMOKING?