South Park (TV Series)

The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers (2002)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Randy Marsh, Kenny McCormick, Narrator, Chris Stotch, 6th Grader #1, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Mr. Black, Child Playing 'Harry Potter' #1, 6th Grader #3

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eric Cartman : [Cartman and friends are pretending to be Lord of the Rings characters; they walk by a group of kids playing in a yard]  Yes, we shall slay the ringworm, for that is the way of the...

  Town Kid : I shall put a magic spell on you!

  Town Kid 2 : I have blocked your spell, wizard!

  Kyle Broflovski : What are you guys doing?

  Town Kid : We're playing Harry Potter!

  Eric Cartman : Hah! Fags!

• [Token has unknowingly watched a disturbing pornographic movie] 

  Token's Mom : Token? Did the boys come over and... show you a movie?

  [Token just stares and remains silent] 

  Token's Dad : Token?

  [Token remains silent] 

  Token's Dad : All right, Token, we know you must be very confused about what you saw.

  [Token keeps staring and remains silent] 

  Randy Marsh : Yes, er... you see, Token, that was called a pornographic film. It shows adult men and adult women having sexual intercourse.

  [Token still keeps silent] 

  Randy Marsh : Well, y-you see, when a-when a man and a woman fall in love, the-the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. It's called lovemaking and it's part of being in love.

  Token Williams : [after a long silence]  And when the woman has four penises in her at the same time, then stands over the men and pees on them, is that part of being in love too?

  [another silence] 

  Token Williams : Five midgets, spanking a man covered with Thousand-Island dressing. Is that making love?

  Token's Dad : [Aghast]  Jesus, what kind of porno was that?

  Gerald Broflovski : It was "Backdoor Sluts #9".

  Token's Dad : Oh, Jesus, not that one!

  [his wife gives him a foul look] 

• Randy Marsh : All right, now, listen, kids. There's some things that we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their mouths. This is called 69ing, and it's normal.

  Sharon Marsh : You see, boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it.

  Sheila Broflovski : That's right. But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things. Telephones, staplers, magazines. It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, it's like a fun tickle.

  Gerald Broflovski : Now, on the double penetration, boys, you see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice.

  Randy Marsh : That's right. It's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting.

  Sheila Broflovski : It's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other.

  Randy Marsh : Going number one or number two on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is OK with it before you start doing it.

  Gerald Broflovski : OK, boys, do you have any questions?

  Stan Marsh : [astonished]  Wow.

• Gerald Broflovski : [Talking about the porno]  OK, OK. How bad was it?

  Randy Marsh : It was... Backdoor Sluts 9.

  Men : BACKDOOR SLUTS 9?

  Stephen Stotch : Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!

  Gerald Broflovski : It is the single most vile, most twisted piece of porn ever made.

  Sheila Broflovski : [furiously]  HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?

  Gerald Broflovski : I, uh, I read about it in People.

• Kevin : Perhaps we could use the ring to strengthen our star cruisers!

  [He is shown to be in a Stormtrooper costume] 

  Eric Cartman : [Slaps his head into his palm]  Kevin, goddammit!

• Eric Cartman : Go ahead and play Harry Butthole Pussy Potter!

• Eric Cartman : And so the party journeyed onward: the great Wizard, the skillful Ranger, and the covetous Jew.

  Kyle Broflovski : I'm a Paladin, Cartman!

  Eric Cartman : Jews can't be Paladins.