- [SpongeBob and Patrick are selling chocolate]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer.
- [knocks on door]
- Fish: Hello?
- Patrick: I love you.
- [Fish slams door]
- Even OLDER Lady: Ahh, chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate... I always hated it!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Would you like to buy some chocolate?
- Chocolate Fish: Chocolate? Did you say... chocolate?
- Patrick: Yes, with or without nuts.
- Chocolate Fish: Chocolate? CHOCOLATE? CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick run away]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: We're not doing so well Patrick. We need a better approach; a new tactic.
- Patrick: I know, let's get naked.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate.
- Chocolate Fish: [shouting] CHOCOLATE!
- SpongeBob: No! No! Noooo!
- Chocolate Fish: AHAHAHA! FINALLY! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I've got you right where I want you...
- Chocolate Fish: [normal voice, holding up a pile of cash] I'd like to buy all your chocolate.
- SpongeBob: [chocolate falls out of Patrick's pants and he and SpongeBob melt] Thank you for your patronage.
- Injured Fish: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms, at night I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
- [Mermaid Man is talking about his super hero costume]
- Mermaid Man: Power's all in the costume! Why else would we run around in colored undies?
- [pulls on his costume's "underwear" and snaps it]
- Squidward: [grinning mischievously] I can think of three good reasons.
- Mermaid Man: You fiends can't win. You're out-numbered.
- Barnacle Boy: You senile bag of fish paste. There are three of us and only one of you.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Make that two.
- ManRay: The Quickster.
- Squidward: three.
- Barnacle Boy: Captain Magma.
- Patrick: Four.
- The Dirty Bubble: The Elastic Waistband.
- Sandy: Five.
- Barnacle Boy: M-M-M-Miss Appear.
- Mermaid Man: And me makes 10. I think.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [SpongeBob and Patrick are selling chocolate] Remember, Patrick. Flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
- [knocks on door]
- Customer: Hello?
- Patrick: I love you.
- Realistic Fish Head: [about Man Ray, the Dirty Bubble and Barnacle Man conspiring] These three have named their new alliance, Every Villain Is Lemons. Otherwise known as EVIL! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the EVIL? Why am I asking *you* all these questions? Mermaid Man, where are you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Remember, Patrick, focus.
- [knocks]
- Customer: Yes?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.
- Customer: [Patrick's eyes zoom in and out on the customer] Why is Chubby here staring at me?
- Patrick: Focusing.
- Customer: Back up, Jack!
- [slams the door on Patrick's eyes]
- Patrick: Oof!
- [moves his eyes around]
- Patrick: Nice place you got in here.
- Barnacle Boy: We won. And the superhero-supervillain rules require you to do what I say.
- ManRay: World domination. Ask for world domination.
- The Dirty Bubble: Make him eat dirt.
- [Man-Ray gives him a curious look]
- The Dirty Bubble: In addition to the world domination thing.
- SpongeBob: How about we help you?
- Mermaid Man: No, that's a terrible idea! I've got it! How about *you* help *me*?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be?
- Patrick: Um... more time for thinking.
- [Spongebob and Patrick have decided to use lies and flattery to sell their chocolate]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Elderly Lady] Hello, "young" lady.
- [winks at Patrick]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: We're selling chocolates. Is your mother home?
- Elderly lady: [shouts] Ma!
- [tiny wrinkled worm of a fish in a wheelchair comes out of the house]
- Even OLDER Lady: What? What? What's all the yelling?
- [SpongeBob and Patrick look at the mother with shock]
- Even OLDER Lady: You just can't wait for me to DIE, can you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: What was the reason we bought those bags?
- Patrick: Um... he said we were mediocre.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Right! He made us feel special.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Looking through the magazine Fancy Living Digest with Patrick] Look at all these glossy pictures of a higher standard of living!
- [pointing at a picture]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: This guy's so rich he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
- Patrick: [Pointing at a picture of a rich guy surrounded by bags of money] This guy's got shoes!
- Mermaid Man: So, who wants to save the world?
- SpongeBob: I do!
- Patrick: I do!
- Sandy Cheeks: I do!
- Squidward: I don't.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes you do, no world means no money! So go save the world, or you're fired!
- [Squidward crosses his arms and grumbles in protest]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Selling chocolate door-to-door] Hello, sir, would you like to buy some chocolate?
- Chocolate Fish: Chocolate? Chocolate! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!
- Barnacle Boy: I'm crossing over to the dark side!
- [We see that the Krusty Krabs is only half lit at one end]
- Mr. Krabs: Why should I waste money on lighting the whole store?
- Narrator: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Viacom.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Floppin' flounder, Mermaid Man! Makeout Reef!
- Mermaid Man: [pounding the table] Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!
- Squidward: [smiling dreamily] Ah, Makeout Reef. Good times, good times.