- Isaac: Things that I say in my office STAY in my office.
- Dana Whitaker: Natalie's my second-in-command, she's the only one I told.
- Natalie Hurley: Jeremy's my boyfriend, he's the only one I told.
- Jeremy Goodwin: I told many, many people.
- Dan Rydell: It's not time to dally with Sally.
- Casey McCall: Dan.
- Dan Rydell: That was an unfortunate rhyme.
- Casey McCall: [Casey is practicing flirting] You're smoky.
- Dana Whitaker: I'm smoky?
- Casey McCall: You're smoky. You're a lot of other things too, but you're smoky.
- Dana Whitaker: I don't know what that means, but I like the sound of it. Tell me what it means.
- Casey McCall: It's hard to translate.
- Dana Whitaker: Try.
- Casey McCall: You'll make a joke.
- Dana Whitaker: We're flirting - it's okay.
- Casey McCall: Are we really flirting, or are you just pretending to be you flirting with me actually being me?
- Dana Whitaker: You think I'm smoky?
- Casey McCall: Classy. Impressive. Sexy. Was sexy going too far?
- Dana Whitaker: It was fine.
- Casey McCall: You're smoky.
- Dana Whitaker: Thank you.
- Casey McCall: What's your problem with Sally?
- Dan Rydell: Look at her. I don't think she's of this world.
- Casey McCall: You don't think she's of this world?
- Dan Rydell: I do not.
- Casey McCall: What world do you think she's of?
- Dan Rydell: She scares me. She's too good looking. Nobody's *that* good looking. I'm not that good looking.
- Casey McCall: Do you really think she was flirting with me?
- Dan Rydell: Her beauty comes from a very strange place. Have you noticed that?
- Casey McCall: The places her beauty comes from weren't that strange to me. I can identify almost all of them.
- Dan Rydell: Don't do it Casey. She's got an agenda.
- Casey McCall: You think she wants a job on "Sports Night"?
- Dan Rydell: No, I think she wants to rule all of Metropolis.
- Casey McCall: You see the job she does on "West Coast Update." She's a very skilled producer.
- Dan Rydell: Of course she's skilled. She's Satan's handmaiden!
- Casey McCall: She's not Satan's handmaiden.
- Dan Rydell: On the entire planet, have you ever seen anyone with eyes like that? Huh? She's a Stepford producer!
- Casey McCall: I say she's a very nice person.
- Dan Rydell: I say she has no reflection!
- Dana Whitaker: Jeremy.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Yes?
- Dana Whitaker: Tell me the story so far on UCLA/Arizona.
- Jeremy Goodwin: The story, Dana, is shooting percentage. Shooting percentage and offensive glass. Last I checked, UCLA was 12-for-24 from the field, 1-for-6 at the stripe. Arizona's press forced 12 turnovers, which led to 15 points. The 'cats, needless to say, were dominant in the paint, and McDuffy's got four fouls. That is the story.
- Natalie: Jeremy.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Yes?
- Dana Whitaker: What's the score?
- Jeremy Goodwin: Wow.
- Dana Whitaker: Jeremy.
- Jeremy Goodwin: Devil's in the details.
- [Sally's trying to get Dana's job]
- Sally Sasser: As we speak, one of your LC wireframes is misprocessing data while two of your associate producers stand over the monitor, attempting to have phone sex.
- Isaac: God, please don't tell me which two.
- Sally Sasser: Just think about it.
- Isaac: Alright. My guess is it's Jeremy and Natalie.
- Dan Rydell: This is science fiction. I'm all alone on this. I stand completely alone. Sally is an alien. Do you understand me? At night, she peels off her body and lives on Steve Guttenberg's boat.
- Dana Whitaker: Natalie?
- Natalie: Yeah?
- Dana Whitaker: You're thinking about how you'd redecorate my office right now, aren't you?
- Natalie: I was not.
- Dana Whitaker: Yes, you were.
- Natalie: I was totally not at all.
- Dana Whitaker: In your little mind, you were measuring for new curtains.
- Natalie: I was not measuring for curtains.
- Dana Whitaker: You'd keep the curtains?
- Natalie: And dump the plants.
- Dana Whitaker: Thank you.
- Sally Sasser: I think I'm the right person for the job.
- Isaac: Who's job?
- Sally Sasser: Dana's job.
- Isaac: No, Dana wants Dana's job.
- Sally Sasser: No, Dana's gonna have your job.
- Isaac: No, sadly, I'm gonna have my job.
- Isaac: I want to start grooming you.
- Dana: I don't understand.
- Isaac: You heard me.
- Dana: You want to start grooming me?
- Isaac: Yes.
- Dana: You'd better be talking about my hairstyle, Isaac.
- Isaac: Don't go nuts.
- Dana: I'm not going nuts, I'm just saying that's the only kind of grooming that I'm prepared to talk about at this particular moment.
- Dana: How do you know I even want your job?
- Isaac: Everybody wants my job.
- Dana: Not me. I think your job stinks. You get to create your own show and make all the decisions and have a big staff and make a lot of money. That's not for me, Isaac. I like to answer to people, I don't want to create. When I get a thought in my head I like it to die right there.
- Isaac Jaffe: ...Furthermore, Dana, things that I tell you in my office stay in my office.
- Dana Whitaker: Well, Natalie's my second in command, she's the only one I told.
- Natalie Hurley: Jeremy's my boyfriend, he's the only one I told.
- Jeremy Goodwin: I told many, many people.
- Isaac Jaffe: While we do have many shows on this network, and there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition, we are all a team here, and we will treat each other with respect.
- Sally Sasser: I think I speak for everyone on the 2 A.M. when I say that we have nothing but respect and admiration for each and every person at Sports Night.
- Dan Rydell: He's talking about you, ya freak...
- Isaac Jaffe: Thank you, Daniel.