Photos
Quotes
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Captain Kirk : Well, opinions?
Chekov : I think we're in a lot of trouble.
Captain Kirk : That's a great help, Mr. Chekov. Bones?
McCoy : I think Chekov's right, we are in a lot of trouble.
Captain Kirk : Spock, and if you say we're in a lot of trouble...
Spock : We are.
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Harcourt Fenton Mudd : [explaining his latest trouble] I, uh... sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesizer.
Capt. Kirk : And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : How'd you know?
Capt. Kirk : That's what I would have done.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : Oh. It's a typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humour; they arrested me!
McCoy : Oh, I find that shocking.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : Worse than that! Do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb 5?
Spock : Guilty party has his choice. Death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging...
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was... d-d-d-DEATH. Barbarians! Well, of course I... left.
Capt. Kirk : [to the others] He broke jail.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : I, ah, borrowed transportation...
Capt. Kirk : He stole a spaceship.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : ...the patrol reacted in a hostile manner...
Capt. Kirk : They fired at him!
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : They've got no respect for private property - they damaged the bloody spaceship! Well, I... I got away, but I couldn't navigate, so I wandered out through unmapped space. And here I found... Mudd!
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Norman : If you do not come with me, your engines will be destroyed and you will remain in orbit here, forever.
Capt. Kirk : I must say that's a gracious invitation.
Norman : There is a word. Among us there is no corresponding meaning, but it seems to mean something to you humans.
Capt. Kirk : And what is that word?
Norman : Please.
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Alice #251 through 500 : Do you require something, lord?
Capt. Kirk : No. Yes! My ship.
Alice #251 through 500 : I am not programmed...
Alice #251 through 500 , Capt. Kirk : [together] ... to respond in that area.
Capt. Kirk : Yes, I know.
Alice #251 through 500 : Is there anything *any* of you require to please you?
Capt. Kirk : Alice, give us back our ship to please us. Return us to our ship because we desire it.
Alice #251 through 500 : We are programmed to serve. We shall serve you to your best interests to make you happy.
Capt. Kirk : But we're unhappy here.
Alice #251 through 500 : Please explain "unhappy."
Spock : Unhappiness is the state which occurs in the human when wants and desires are not fulfilled.
Alice #251 through 500 : Which wants and desires of yours are not fulfilled?
Capt. Kirk : We want the Enterprise.
Alice #251 through 500 : [her badge number starts to flash] The Enterprise is not a want or a desire. It is a mechanical device.
Capt. Kirk : No, it's a beautiful lady and we love her!
Alice #251 through 500 : [badge light remains on] Illogical, illogical. All units relate. All units. Norman, coordinate.
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Chekov : You know this man, Captain?
Captain Kirk : Oh, do I know him? Harcourt Fenton Mudd. Thief.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : Oh, come now.
Captain Kirk : Swindler and con man.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : Entrepreneur.
Captain Kirk : Liar and rogue.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : Did I leave you with that impression?
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Alice #1 through 250 : We have a very extensive library section for your amusement.
Alice #251 through 500 : Our research laboratories and workshops are extremely well equipped.
Alice #1 through 250 , Alice #251 through 500 : You are free to visit them.
Captain Kirk : All right, we might later. In the mean time, would you mind leaving us?
Alice #1 through 250 , Alice #251 through 500 : Why should we leave you?
Captain Kirk : Because... we don't like you.
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Captain Kirk : What is a man but that lofty spirit, that sense of enterprise, that devotion for something that cannot be sensed, cannot be realized but only dreamed, the highest reality?
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Captain Kirk : Who caught you?
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : That, sir, is an outrageous assumption!
Captain Kirk : Yes. Who caught you?
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[trying to confuse an android]
Captain Kirk : Everything Harry tells you is a lie. Remember that. Everything Harry tells you is a lie.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd : Now listen to this carefully, Norman. I am... lying.
Norman : You say you are lying, but if everything you say is a lie, then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth because everything you say is a lie, but you lie... You tell the truth but you cannot for you lie... illogical! Illogical! Please explain! You are human. Only humans can explain their behavior! Please explain!
Captain Kirk : [giving him the same statement the androids have repeatedly given him several times before] I am not programmed to respond in that area.
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McCoy : All right, it's worked so far, but we're not out yet.
Captain Kirk : [to Spock as he enters] Well?
Spock : Success, Captain. We've been pruning the leaves and branches of the tree, now it is time to get to work on the root.
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Captain Kirk : Scotty! Scotty's dead! He had too much happiness. But now he's happier, he's dead. And we'll miss him.
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Alice #1 through 250 : Why does she strike him?
Captain Kirk : She likes him.
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Dr. McCoy : [referring to large darkened pane on wall] Harry, what's this?
Harry Mudd : [pressing button by pane to reveal Stella android] Ah. That, gentlemen, is a shrine to the memory of my beloved Stella.
Capt. Kirk : Who?
Harry Mudd : Stella, my wife.
Dr. McCoy : Dead?
Harry Mudd : Oh, no, no, no, merely deserted. You see, gentlemen, behind every great man there is a woman, urging him on. And so it was with my Stella. She urged me on into outer space. Not that she meant to.
[with increasing irritation]
Harry Mudd : But with her continual, eternal, confounded nagging--well, I think of her constantly, and every time I do, I go further out into space.
Dr. McCoy : That's very interesting. You leave your wife and then bring her along.
Harry Mudd : I had the androids construct a perfect replica of Stella, so that I could gaze upon her, and rejoice in her absence. Gentlemen, attend. Stella, dear...
Stella Mudd : [switching on, angrily] Mm, Harcourt? Harcourt Fenton Mudd, what have you been up to? Nothing good, I'm sure. Well let me tell you, you lazy, good-for-nothing...
Harry Mudd : Shut up!
Stella Mudd : [switching off] Nothing... thing... thing.
Harry Mudd : Marvelous, isn't it? I finally have the last word with her...
[to Kirk]
Harry Mudd : and with you.
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Norman : We cannot allow any race as greedy and corruptible as yours to have free run of the galaxy.
Spock : I'm curious, Norman. Just how do you intend to stop them?
Norman : We shall serve them. Their kind will be eager to accept our service. Soon they will become completely dependent upon us.
Alice #1 through 250 : Their aggressive and acquisitive instincts will be under our control.
Norman : We shall take care of them.
Spock : Eminently practical.
Captain Kirk : The whole galaxy controlled by your kind?
Norman : Yes, Captain. And we shall serve them and you will be happy, and controlled.
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Capt. Kirk : Mr. Spock, we seem to be taking an unscheduled ride.
Spock : Interesting.
