Star Trek (TV Series)
The Trouble with Tribbles (1967)
James Doohan: Scott
Photos
Quotes
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[last lines]
[all tribbles have been removed from the Enterprise, but nobody seems eager to tell Kirk what happened to them]
Capt. Kirk : Mister Scott. Where - are - the tribbles?
Scott : I used the transporter, Captain.
Capt. Kirk : You used the transporter?
Scott : Aye.
Capt. Kirk : Well, where did you transport them?
[the others are looking away, trying to appear not involved]
Capt. Kirk : Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?
Scott : Captain Kirk! That'd be inhuman!
Capt. Kirk : Well, where are they?
Scott : I gave them a very good home, sir.
Capt. Kirk : WHERE?
Scott : I gave 'em to the Klingons, sir.
Capt. Kirk : [whispering] You gave them to the Klingons?
Scott : Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit 'n' caboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.
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Korax : [the tribbles squeal as he pours some of his drink into Cyrano Jones' glass] The Earthers like those fuzzy things. Don't they?
Cyrano Jones : [accepts drink, laughs nervously] Oh, yes.
Korax : Well, frankly, I never liked Earthers. They remind me of Regulan bloodworms.
[the Klingons laugh]
Chekov : That cossack!
Scott : Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving.
Korax : Though... I just remembered. There is one Earth man who doesn't remind me of a Regulan bloodworm. That's Kirk. A Regulan bloodworm is soft, and shapeless. But Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood. But he's not soft.
Scott : [as Chekov gets up] Take it easy, lad. Everybody is entitled to an opinion.
[Chekov sits down]
Korax : That's right. And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well, that's my opinion, too.
Scott : [as Chekov gets up again] Don't do it, mister, and that's an order.
Chekov : But you heard what he called the Captain!
Scott : Forget it. It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults.
[swaps Chekov's empty glass with another]
Scott : Now, drink your drink.
[Chekov sits down and obliges]
Korax : Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We, we really do! That sagging, old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow.
[Scotty's ears perk up]
Korax : Half the quadrant knows it; that's why they're learning to speak Klingonese!
Chekov : [outraged] Mr. Scott!
Scott : [to Korax] Laddie... don't ya think you should... rephrase that?
Korax : [in Scottish brogue] You're right. I should.
Korax : [normal voice] I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage!
[Korax laughs. Scotty stands up, decks him, and a brawl ensues]
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[Kirk is questioning Scotty about his reasons to start a bar fight with the Klingons]
Scott : Well, Captain, er... the Klingons called you a... a tin-plated overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood.
Capt. Kirk : Is that all?
Scott : No, sir. They also compared you with a Denebian slime devil.
Capt. Kirk : I see.
Scott : And then they said that you were a...
Capt. Kirk : I get the picture, Scotty.
Scott : Yes, sir.
Capt. Kirk : And after they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons.
Scott : No, sir.
Capt. Kirk : ...No?
Scott : No, er, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.
Capt. Kirk : Oh, yes.
Scott : And I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults. Aren't we?
Capt. Kirk : What was it they said that started the fight?
Scott : They called the Enterprise a garbage scow! Sir.
Capt. Kirk : I see. And... that's when you hit the Klingon?
Scott : Yes, sir!
Capt. Kirk : You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they...
Scott : Well, sir, this was a matter of pride.
Capt. Kirk : All right, Scotty. Dismissed. Oh... Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.
Scott : Yes, sir. Thank you, sir! That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals!
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Capt. Kirk : Another technical journal, Scotty?
Scott : Aye.
Capt. Kirk : Don't you ever relax?
Scott : I am relaxing.
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Capt. Kirk : [after finding out Scotty started the brawl at the station] What caused it, Scotty?
Scott : They insulted us, sir.
Capt. Kirk : Must have been some insult.
Scott : Aye, it was.
Capt. Kirk : [in disbelief] You threw the first punch.
Scott : Aye. Chekov wanted to, but I held him back
Capt. Kirk : You held... Why did Chekov want to start a fight?
Scott : Uh, the Klingons, sir... is this off the record?
Capt. Kirk : [losing his patience] No, this is not off the record!
