Star Trek (TV Series)

The Trouble with Tribbles (1967)

William Schallert: Nilz Baris

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Quotes 

• Nilz Baris : Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace. In my opinion, you have taken this entire, very important project far too lightly.

  Capt. Kirk : On the contrary, sir. I think of this project as very important. It is YOU I take lightly.

• [Baris has suggested Jones to be a Klingon agent] 

  Capt. Kirk : Cyrano Jones? A Klingon agent?

  [laughs] 

  Nilz Baris : You heard me.

  Capt. Kirk : I heard you.

  Spock : He simply could not believe his ears.

• Nilz Baris : Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons.

  Capt. Kirk : I was not aware, Mr. Baris, that 12 Klingons constitutes a swarm.

  Nilz Baris : Captain Kirk, there are Klingon soldiers on this station. Now, I want you to keep that grain safe!

  Capt. Kirk : Mr. Baris, I have guards around the grain, I have guards around the Klingons. The only reason those guards are there is because Starfleet wants them there. As for what *you* want... it has been noted and logged. Kirk out.

  [he shuts off the comlink] 

  Spock : Captain, may I ask where you'll be?

  Capt. Kirk : Sickbay, with a headache.

• Nilz Baris : There must be thousands of them.

  Capt. Kirk : [buried up to his neck in tribbles]  Hundreds of thousands.

  Spock : 1,771,561. That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of 10, producing a new generation every 12 hours over a period of three days.

  Capt. Kirk : And that's assuming that they got here three days ago.

  Spock : And allowing for the amount of grain consumed and the volume of the storage compartment.

• [the tribbles have all but destroyed the entire stock of grain reserved for a development project] 

  Nilz Baris : Kirk, you should have known. You are responsible for turning the development project into a total disaster!

  Capt. Kirk : Mr. Baris...

  Nilz Baris : And I am through being intimidated, Kirk. Now, you have insulted me, you have ignored me, you, you walked all over me. You have abused your authority and you have rejected my requests. And this, this is the result! I am going to hold you responsible, Kirk!

  Capt. Kirk : Mr. Baris, I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up!

• Nilz Baris : And, now, Captain, I want all available security guards. I want them posted around the storage compartments.

  Capt. Kirk : Storage compartments? Storage compartments?

  Arne Darvin : The storage compartments containing the quadro-triticale.

  Capt. Kirk : The what, the what? What's... quadro-triticale?

  Lurry : Here...

  [hands Kirk a small container] 

  Capt. Kirk : [spills some of its contents on his hand]  Wheat. So what?

• Capt. Kirk : What evidence do you have against Mister Jones?

  Nilz Baris : My assistant here has kept Mister Jones under close surveillance for quite some time, and his actions have been most suspicious. I believe he was involved in that little altercation between your men and the men from...

  Capt. Kirk : Yes, yes. Go on. What else do you have?

  Arne Darvin : Well Captain, I've checked his ship's log, and it seems that he was within the Klingon's sphere of influence less than four months ago.

  Nilz Baris : The man is an independent scout, Captain. It is quite possible he is also a Klingon spy.

  Spock : We have already checked on the background of Mister Cyrano Jones. He is a licensed asteroid locator and prospector. He's never broken the law, at least not severely. For the past seven years, with his one-man spaceship, he's obtained a marginal living by engaging in the buying and selling of rare merchandise, including, unfortunately, tribbles.