Star Trek: The Next Generation (TV Series)

The Naked Now (1987)

Patrick Stewart: Captain Jean-Luc Picard

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Quotes 

• Capt. Picard : [entering Crusher's office with a little skip]  Beverly.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : Yes, Jean-Luc?

  Capt. Picard : You will address me as 'Captain'.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : [laughs]  Captain? Oh, well then, my dear Captain, you will address *me* as 'Chief Medical Officer' or 'Doctor'.

  Capt. Picard : I will? That's true. I started off by calling you Beverly, and, of course, naturally, you... I'm still not thinking straight.

• Capt. Picard : Now, Doctor.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : I believe I've become infected myself, Captain.

  Capt. Picard : Do you know what the infection is?

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : *giggles drunkenly*

  Capt. Picard : Come on, quickly!

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : Sorry! It is definitely like alcohol intoxication. The same lack of good judgment. For example, right now, I find you extremely, extremely... Of course, we haven't time for that sort of thing.

  Capt. Picard : What sort of thing?

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : *eying his body* Oh god would I love to show you!

  Capt. Picard : Doctor! There must a cure, some formula. Hmph! Similar to the old one.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : Damn it! Damn it! Captain! *leaning in for a kiss* My dear Captain...

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : *following him* You owe me something! You do realize that, don't you? *unzips top* I'm a woman.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : I haven't had the comfort of a husband, a man... ..

  Capt. Picard : Not now Doctor! Please!

• Lt. Cmdr. Data : There was a rather peculiar limerick, being delivered by someone in the shuttlecraft bay. I am not sure I understand it... "There was a young lady from Venus, whose body was shaped like a... "

  Capt. Picard : Captain to Security, come in!

  Lt. Cmdr. Data : Did I say something wrong?

  Lieutenant Worf : I don't understand their humor either.

• Lt. Cmdr. Data : I believe that last sound was an emergency hatch being blown.

  Capt. Picard : Are you certain? Yes, of course you are.

• [Wesley has saved Enterprise from destruction with a repulsor beam] 

  Commander William T. Riker : It's only fair to mention Wesley in a log entry, sir.

  Capt. Picard : Fair's fair. And let's credit his science teacher, too.

• Capt. Picard : You will now return control of this vessel to the bridge where it belongs, at once.

  Wesley Crusher : I'm sorry, sir. Why don't you just tell me what you want done and I'll do it.

  Capt. Picard : Because ship captains control their own vessels, young man!

  Wesley Crusher : But, sir, you don't do it yourself. You give the orders, but somebody else does it. What's wrong with giving me the orders to do it?

  Lieutenant Worf : Captain, getting unusual readings now from the dwarf star.

  Capt. Picard : Stand by on that for a moment.

• Capt. Picard : Wes, are you aware that you are behaving strangely? That a kind of... infection was brought over from the Tsiolkovsky which acts like intoxication?

  Wesley Crusher : Are you saying that's why I feel so hot and so strange?

  Capt. Picard : That's... that's a very adult bit of reasoning, Wesley.

  Wesley Crusher : So you mean I'm drunk! I feel strange but also good.

  Capt. Picard : Because... because you have lost the capacity for self-judgment. Now, alcohol does this, Wesley, but the contaminant we brought back from the Tsiolkovsky does it even more so.

  Wesley Crusher : What would you do if you got your ship back?

  Capt. Picard : Oh... it's very important I do, Wesley. Because I must immediately lock a tractor beam onto the Tsiolkovsky and tow it out of...

  Wesley Crusher : Tractor beams are my specialty, skipper! I'll contact you when that's done. Wesley out.

  [he ends the transmission] 

• Capt. Picard : Captain's log, stardate 41209.3. The strange contaminant that led to the deaths of the Tsiolkovsky crew is now aboard the Enterprise, and our engineering section has been commandeered by young Wesley Crusher.

  Wesley Crusher : And henceforth, a dessert course shall precede and follow every meal, including breakfast.

• Capt. Picard : [voice, over intercom]  Attention all decks, all divisions. Effective immediately, I have handed over control of this vessel to Acting Captain Wesley Crusher.

  Capt. Picard : [incensed]  "Acting Captain"?

  Wesley Crusher : [over intercom]  Thank you, Captain Picard, thank you. And with that order dawns a brave new day for the Enterprise.

• Capt. Picard : I put it to you all. I think we shall end up with a fine crew - if we avoid temptation.

• Capt. Picard : Captain's log, supplemental. We are downloading the research information gathered on the collapsing star nearby. I am concerned at being in such close orbit, but the Tsiolkovsky's research records will no doubt predict the time of the star's final collapse.

• Sarah MacDougal : Reporting as ordered, sir.

  Capt. Picard : What?

  Sarah MacDougal : You ordered me to report to the bridge, sir.

  Capt. Picard : I did no such thing. I want you down in the engine room just in case we need to move out of here.

• Doctor Beverly Crusher : [treating Geordi]  According to our medical readouts, there's still nothing wrong with him. He looks like he's running a temperature but every instrument we have says he's not.

  Capt. Picard : Doctor, every person on that ship over there died. Is there any chance that whatever did it is loose on my ship?

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : If you mean a disease, sir, I'd say there's no chance of it. We used full decontamination. We examined every team member very carefully.

  Capt. Picard : The entire crew somehow managed to kill themselves, Doctor. If it's not a disease, what else made them do it?

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : The obvious alternatives are in the areas of insanity and severe emotional upset. Troi, do you feel anything unusual in the Lieutenant?

  Capt. Picard : Security just told me that he was longing for normal sight. That's a sudden yearning for that.

  Counselor Deanna Troi : Since his records show no previous mention of that, the fact that it happened now could be important. But all I sense from him is confusion. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was intoxicated.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : Our tests would have shown that; also any other signs of drugs, hallucinogens, or any other contaminants.

• Capt. Picard : Captain's log, stardate 41209.2. We are running at warp 7 to rendezvous with the science vessel SS Tsiolkovsky, which has been routinely monitoring the collapse of a red supergiant star into a white dwarf. What has brought us here is a series of strange messages indicating something has gone wrong aboard the research vessel.

• Commander William T. Riker : Captain, I believe we have the answer to what happened over there.

  Capt. Picard : [looking over Data's shoulder]  The Constitution-class Starship Enterprise, Captain James T. Kirk commanding.

  Commander William T. Riker : Similar conditions. They were monitoring a planet that was breaking up and not a collapsing star, as in this case. But there were the same huge shifts in gravity.

  Capt. Picard : Which somehow resulted in complex strings of water molecules which acquired carbon from the body and acted... acted on the body like alcohol. Data, download this information to Medical immediately.

  Lt. Cmdr. Data : Aye, sir. Downloading.

  Capt. Picard : Fascinating. The entire crew going out of control.

  Commander William T. Riker : Like intoxication, but worse. Judgment almost completely impaired.

  Capt. Picard : Until they found this formula, barely in time.

  [pressing a console button] 

  Capt. Picard : Picard to Dr. Crusher. Come in.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : This is Crusher. Go ahead, Captain.

  Capt. Picard : You can relax, Doctor. The answer to all of this is feeding into your medical banks right now; including a cure.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : Are you certain, Captain?

  Capt. Picard : Absolutely.

• Doctor Beverly Crusher : Sickbay to bridge.

  Capt. Picard : Picard here. Go ahead, Doctor.

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : I'm confining Lt. La Forge to Sickbay until further notice.

  Capt. Picard : Do we have a problem, Doctor?

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : I don't know yet.

• Doctor Beverly Crusher : I can't find anything unusual in any of the tricorder readings they sent over, Captain.

  Capt. Picard : Give me a theory, Doctor. Anything. Madness. Mass hysteria. Delusion?

  Counselor Deanna Troi : Any or all, Captain.

  Capt. Picard : All right, let's bring the away team back. Set the transporter to maximum decontamination and then full examination and observation when they're here.

• Counselor Deanna Troi : Sir, I think Tasha's been infected, too. She just left my quarters.

  Capt. Picard : Counselor, it's not actually an infection.

  Counselor Deanna Troi : Yes, sir, it's more like an intoxication. But whatever it is, she's got it.

• Capt. Picard : Captain's log, supplemental. it is no longer an inconvenient, childish prank. Young Wesley Crusher, admittedly a victim of the Tsiolkovsky infection, is now in control of my starship.

• Commander William T. Riker : Riker to Captain. I have a report for you, sir.

  Capt. Picard : Picard here.

  Commander William T. Riker : They're all dead. Apparently, some of them were blown out of the emergency hatches.

  Capt. Picard : But there were 80 people on that ship, Number One.

  Commander William T. Riker : Yes, sir. As I said... all dead.

• Capt. Picard : Number One, it seems our Security Chief has the equivalent of a snootful.

  Lt. Cmdr. Data : Inquiry, sir - 'snootful'?

  Capt. Picard : Forget it.

• Capt. Picard : Take us...

  Commander William T. Riker : Are you all right, sir?

  Capt. Picard : Worf - you do know what to do. Take us, er...

  Commander William T. Riker : Take us out of here!

  Capt. Picard : Right.

• Lt. Worf : Do we owe our thanks to Commander Data, sir?

  Capt. Picard : [over communicator]  Yes, and Wesley may have given us a few seconds too.

  Lt. Worf : Did he say Wesley? The boy?

  Dr. Crusher : He said... Wesley.

• [last lines] 

  Capt. Picard : So, Number One, let's go to our next job.

  Cmdr. Riker : Aye, sir. Helm, prepare for Warp 3. Heading 294 mark 37.

  Lt. La Forge : Warp 3, heading 294 mark 37, sir.

  Cmdr. Riker : Engage.