Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

House of Horror (1993)

John Kassir: Crypt Keeper

Quotes 

• Crypt Keeper : Poor Les! I know they say that college costs an arm and a leg, but this is ridiculous. Still, I think he'd have been happy to know that he was part of one last food fright.

  [a skeleton hand hands the Crypt Keeper a piece of paper] 

  Crypt Keeper : Ahh, I see we reached a verdict. Members of the gory, do you fiend the defendant guilty or not guilty.

  [pans over to show a jury of hanged skeletons] 

  Crypt Keeper : What do you know! A hung jury.

• Crypt Keeper : [pounds gavel three times]  Fright Court is now in session. Will the defendant please approach the bench? You stand accused of watching too much "Tales from the Crypt." Do you understand the charge?

  [camera nods "no"] 

  Crypt Keeper : Neither do I, but I'll tell you this: if convicted, you'll receive a stiff sentence. You may even do a little horrid time. How do you bleed? Alright then. Let the trial begin. Our first piece of evidence is a tale about a couple of college boys who are about to undergo a little trial and terror of their own, in a writ of habeous corpses I call "House of Horror".