- Log Lady: I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer?
- Dale Cooper: Yes?
- Log Lady: One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.
- Dale Cooper: Really. What did it see?
- Log Lady: Ask it.
- [Cooper hesitates]
- Log Lady: I thought so.
- [walks away]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: [to the waitress who has just poured him a cup of coffee] Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- [he savors his first sip]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: You know, this is - excuse me - a damn fine cup of coffee. I've had I can't tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best. Now I'd like two eggs over hard. I know, don't tell me, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard, just about as hard as I want those eggs.
- Donna Hayward: Mom, it's so strange. I know I should be sad, and I am, part of me is. But it's like... it's like I'm having the most beautiful dream... and the most terrible nightmare, all at once.
- Log Lady: I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me. Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time. Are they called detectives? Watch - and see what life teaches.
- Dale Cooper: Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning, there are two things that continue to trouble me. And I'm speaking now not only as an agent of the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
- Dale Cooper: [after interviewing Josie Packard] So, Harry, how long you been seeing her?
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: How did you know?
- Dale Cooper: Body language.
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: [pause] Jeez, Louise.
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: [he enters sanding a handcarved wooden whistle] Hi, Mike, Bobby. Now before we get started, have you two fellas got your stories straight?
- Bobby Briggs: If we tell the truth we don't have to get our stories straight.
- Mike 'Snake' Nelson: Besides, the sheriff told us we're just in here for fighting and, uh, it was self-defense.
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Right. Well, I guess you can go then.
- Bobby Briggs: Now?
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Mm-hm.
- [as Mike and Bobby walk to the door, Cooper toots his whistle]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Oh, fellas, one more thing. Pray for the health and safety of James Hurley, because if anything happens to him, I'm coming for you.
- [Mike and Bobby leave]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Sheriff, what are you sitting around for? We've got places to go and people to see.
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine.
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: And why is that?
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr. Watson.
- Pete Martell: [Pouring coffee] Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
- Pete Martell: Pretty black.
- Pete Martell: Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You'd never guess. There was a fish... in the percolator! Sorry...
- Audrey Horne: Do you like my ring?
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Very nice.
- Audrey Horne: You know, sometimes I get so flushed, it's interesting. Do your palms ever itch?
- Jocelyn 'Josie' Packard: On top of the morning to you, Pete.
- Pete Martell: Uh, no, Josie, the expression is "top of the morning." And it's just barely morning!
- Benjamin Horne: If you ever pull another stunt like that, you are going to be scrubbing bidets in a Bulgarian convent.
- Audrey Horne: [mocking] Oh, Daddy, I'm so afraid.
- Bobby Briggs: [on seeing James's motorcycle outside of Donna's house] That bastard!
- Mike Nelson: First your girlfriend, then mine.
- Bobby Briggs: [putting a cigarette in his mouth] Too bad we can only kill him once.
- [last lines]
- Laura Palmer: [voice on a cassette tape] Remember me telling you about that mystery man? Well...
- Dale Cooper: Were you friends with Laura Palmer?
- Audrey Horne: Not exactly. You see, Laura tutored my brother Johnny three times a week. Johnny's 27 and he's in the third grade. He's got emotional problems. Runs in the family.
- [pause]
- Audrey Horne: Do you like my ring?
- Catherine Packard Martell: Oh no, my mistake. I'd gotten used to our conducting business and pleasure.
- Benjamin Horne: Sweetheart, it's all the same to me.
- Dale Cooper: Have you got your stories straight yet?
- Bobby Briggs: If we tell you the truth, we don't have to get our stories straight.
- Pete Martell: Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You'd never guess. There was a fish in the percolator! Sorry.
- Pete Martell: Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?
- Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
- Pete Martell: Pretty black.
- Bobby Briggs: Here's a little tune for ya, gals. Norma, I'll see you in my dreams.
- Norma Jennings: Not if I see you first.
- Bobby Briggs: Norma, see you in my dreams.
- Norma Jennings: Not if I see you first.
- Bobby Briggs: Here's a tune for you gals. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.