- [Bobby walks in on Gordon Cole and Shelley kissing]
- Bobby Briggs: Hey! What the hell's going on?
- Gordon Cole: [shouting as usual] YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT.
- Gordon Cole: [to Shelly] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before.
- Gordon Cole: [to Bobby] TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY, IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!
- Windom Earle: Once upon a time, there was a place of great goodness called the White Lodge. Gentle fawns gamboled there amidst happy, laughing spirits. The sounds of innocence and joy filled the air, and when it rained, it rained sweet nectar that infused one's heart to live life in truth and beauty. Generally speaking, a ghastly place, reeking of virtue's sour smell, engorged with the whispered prayers of kneeling mothers, mewling newborns, and fools, young and old compelled to do good without reason. But I'm happy to point out that our story does not end in this wretched place of saccharine excess. For there is another place, its opposite. A place of almost unimaginable power, chock full of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw, for spirits there care not for good deeds or priestly invocations. They are as likely to rip the flesh from your bones as to greet you with a happy "good day". And if harnessed, these spirits in this hidden land of unmuffled screams and broken hearts will offer up a power so vast that its bearer might reorder the Earth itself to his liking. Oh... this place I speak of is known as the Black Lodge and I intend to find it.
- Windom Earle: Think of all the hapless sinners wondering where their soul's destination lies. For what? To gain the answer to a simple question: Where will my spirit awake? What life am I given after this life? Ha ha ha ha. This grave question has plagued man's sorry conscience for eons! Ha ha. And now you, you lucky boy, you have the answer. Now!
- Mike Nelson: Do you have any idea what the combination of sexual maturity and superhuman strength can result in?
- Dick Tremayne: Alright class, what did that sip reveal for us? What flavors are we enjoying?
- Lucy Moran: Tastes kind of woody.
- Dick Tremayne: No, not really. Anyone else? Lana?
- Lana Budding Milford: Banana?
- Dick Tremayne: Yes. There is a hint of banana. That's the metaphoric acid. Very good. What else?
- Deputy Andy Brennan: Chocolate!
- Dick Tremayne: Correct, Andy.
- Lucy Moran: Why don't we just skip the wine and have a banana split?