Ant: Barry

Quotes 

• Madolyn : [near hysterical, hair in tatters]  I fell asleep during study hall, and somebody cut my hair!

  Barry : Oh my God! I can fix this!

  [in his bag, all the necessary hair-styling accessories] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Every school should have a Barry.

  Barry : [chuckling gaily]  Oh, every school does.

  Tiffany Malloy : You know, this is the third time this month a girl has had her hair brutally chopped off. Why can't he just kill people, like they do at other schools?

  Barry : [gushing to victim as he holds up the mirror]  Doesn't it look fabulous?

  [dismayed girl runs off in shame] 

• Tiffany Malloy : [to a glum-looking group of girls]  Did you hear? The Halloween Hair Hacker is still on the loose.

  [on closer inspection, they all have very bad haircuts] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Sorry.

  [tiptoes away] 

  Amber Moss : Forget about the Halloween Hair Hacker. There's gonna be an eclipse in a few minutes.

  [everything goes dark, screams ring out, and when visibility returns, Amber is shielding her hair with a textbook and Tiffany is still swinging her handbag defensively over her crowning glory] 

  Sable O'Brien : [Ryan is clutching her]  Get off me!

  Ryan Malloy : [stroking her long blond hair]  But I'm protecting you! Yet, it's odd, it feels so... so safe and warm.

  [he is sitting on her lap, and she dumps him contemptuously onto the floor] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Calm down, everybody, it was just the eclipse. Thank God it wasn't the maniac!

  Michelle : [comes running in]  Aah! Look what happened!

  [her hair has been slashed off] 

  Barry : [comes running in]  The cutter struck again! I'll fix it!

  [ushers the latest victim away] 

  Amber Moss : [meekly]  Who could be doing such a horrible thing?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh my God. The Hair Hacker's got everyone but us. We're the only girls left with long hair.

  Sable O'Brien : Why's everyone looking at us?

  Tiffany Malloy : I guess somebody's gotta say it. The Halloween Hair Hacker must be one of us.

  Ryan Malloy : Yup. You're the only three that make any sense.

  [weird janitor behind him is pruning a mop with garden shears]