Mr. Floppy: [coming to life just as Jack settles in on the couch to finally eat his burger] Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be home at six! If you're gonna be late,you should call! Or, perhaps, if there were some way I could get a hold of you?
Jack Malloy: Not this again.
Mr. Floppy: Mr. Cool won't wear a beeper!
Jack Malloy: You know you'll be calling me for every little thing. Like, you're lonely, you're bored, you want a mochaccino.
Mr. Floppy: You know, it wouldn't kill you to buy me a mochaccino. Just something that says you're thinking of me. You know that you could buy me a little surprise when you come home from work. A simple rose, a thoughtful card, a tasteful hooter magazine.
Jack Malloy: Look, will you just tell me what you want me to do in exchange for five minutes of silence, so that I can eat my burger in peace?
Mr. Floppy: Fine! I want you to carry a beeper! I want a clock radio so I can hear that perky Friends theme song ten times a day! I want a personal trainer, a petite woman with large knockers, skilled in the art of erotic massage
[wrinkles nose]
Mr. Floppy: I want a therapist so I can work through my attachment deals. I want Alicia Silverstone, now! Before she gets fat like that big blondie on Facts of Life!