- Owen Newitt: Is there anyone famous in it?
- David Horton: Well, let's see, according to this letter, someone called Johnny Depp.
- Geraldine Granger: Johnny Depp? In our village? Johnny "please use your scissorhands to snip my pants off immediately" Depp!
- Geraldine Granger: I just dropped by to give you this invitation to come to drinks at the Knickerage... uh, at the Knockerage... at the Vicarage tonight
- Geraldine Granger: Where's David?
- Hugo Horton: He said he'd rather have a bull terrier clung to his privates while watching repeats of "Kilroy".
- David Horton: Hello, Vicar. I hear you had quite a night.
- Geraldine Granger: Oh. Boy, you can say that again! Michael Caine, right...
- [laughs]
- Geraldine Granger: ... brought along this mango.
- David Horton: Apparently though, apart from *Johnny*, you didn't actually see any of your guests.
- Geraldine Granger: Well, no. But they were definitely there.
- David Horton: [Smugly] Or were they? I suspect you've had the wool pulled over your eyes! I think he probably brought along a couple of rather good impressionists.
- Geraldine Granger: [Indignantly] No he did not! I mean, look.
- David Horton: What's that?
- Geraldine Granger: This... is Madonna's bra.
- David Horton: [laughing] That is not Madonna's bra - it's yours!
- Geraldine Granger: It isn't! Look, I'm still wearing mine.
- [Shows him the shoulder strap under her pyjama top]
- David Horton: I think you've probably got more than one bra!
- Geraldine Granger: No - I haven't! For me, bras are like men. You know, you meet one you love and you stick with it for life. I met this particular love match in British Home Stores, and... well, I'll take him to my grave with me.
- David Horton: 'Him'? I didn't know bras were masculine.
- Geraldine Granger: Well, of course they are. You wouldn't want something female cupping your breasts from dawn till dusk, would you? Well, I suppose you might... if you're a tennis player.
- Alice Horton: [Admiring Geraldine's outfit] Fabulous!
- Geraldine Granger: So's yours!
- Alice Horton: Oh, thank you!
- Geraldine Granger: Do you mind if I make just a tiny little adjustment to it?
- [Alice is wearing a backless dress, which she has on back to front]
- Alice Horton: No.
- Geraldine Granger: Erm, where's the...
- [Unfastens the top strap]
- Geraldine Granger: There. Just slip your arms out of the sleeves, right?
- [Alice does so]
- Geraldine Granger: Just a new idea. Twist the middle round.
- [Alice does so]
- Geraldine Granger: That's it. All the way, that's it. Then put your arms back in there.
- [Alice puts her arms back into the sleeves]
- Geraldine Granger: Do you see?
- Alice Horton: Oh.
- Geraldine Granger: [Fastening the dress, which is now on the right way round] That's a whole new way of wearing it, isn't it? There we are, that's, er...
- [Notices that her bra is still showing]
- Geraldine Granger: Well, that's better.