- Cornelia Hale: [planning Will's birthday party] Guess what the theme is.
- Taranee Cook: Uh... the color you turn when you're gonna throw up?
- Cornelia Hale: Hello! Haven't you ever looked at Will's backpack? Her pencil case? And that dangly thing on her hat?
- Taranee Cook: I guess not attentively enough.
- Cornelia Hale: She's got frogs on them! She likes frogs, so... frog party! Are you loving it?
- Lillian Hale: It looks like somebody barfed on the walls.
- Cornelia Hale: [indicates Lillian's wading pool] And, viola... the snack pond!
- Lillian Hale: That's my wading pool! You can't have it!
- Cornelia Hale: Quiet, or I'll shave your bear.
- Hay Lin: [regarding the map showing portals in Heatherfield] Why wait until now to give me this? Is it 'cause my powers are finally mature enough that I'm worthy?
- Grandma Yan Lin: Nah! It was in the attic. I couldn't find it. Found my old tennis racket, too! Fore!
- [swings racket]
- Grandma Yan Lin: Ow!
- Taranee Cook: Why don't we just take the elevator?
- Will: You mean the elevator with a "ding" like a microwave, telling him we're inside, ready to eat?
- Will: [after arriving at her surprise party, to Irma] You promised...
- Cornelia Hale: Can you believe Irma didn't want to throw you a party just because you told her not to? Give me thirteen hugs, birthday girl!
- Martin: Hey, thanks for inviting me, sweetie-lips!
- Irma: [gasps] I didn't invite you, Martin! I didn't invite *anyone.* And don't you *ever* call me "sweetie-lips."
- Martin: I, uh, didn't want to say in front of the other guests, but, uh, there were flies on your cupcakes. Uh, don't worry, though, I pulled 'em off.
- [eats one]
- Martin: Oh, they're just raisins. Yeah, I'll put 'em back. They're in my pocket.
- Irma: [ushering her father upstairs] I do not throw parties while you and Mom are out of town, and you do not embarrass me when you are *in* town.
- Mrs. Lair: I remember when we got to go to all of her little parties...
- Irma: [Irma rushes in] Mom, Dad, some of us are going for pizza. Can you keep the party going until we get back?
- Tom Lair: Are you kidding? I'm a part-y animal! Hey, remember when I gave donkey rides for your fourth birthday? Hee-HAW! Hee-HAW! Hee-HAW!
- Irma: Dad, please? Don't talk me out of this.
- Taranee Cook: Maybe we should call the police?
- Will: For this kind of problem, we *are* the police.
- Taranee Cook: I was afraid you'd say that.
- Cornelia Hale: [introducing Caleb to Uriah and his friends] Creeps, Caleb. Caleb, Creeps.
- Caleb: Pleased to meet you. Uh... are you related?
- Cornelia Hale: So, Caleb, you are gonna learn all about parties.
- Caleb: We have parties in Meridian! To celebrate the end of Klunderfeast, we cook and eat an ox.
- Cornelia Hale: We won't be doing that.
- Cornelia Hale: Hey, girls! Party, Friday, five o'clock, Irma's house. It's Will's birthday.
- Hay Lin: It's a surprise, so don't tell Will. Or Irma.
- Taranee Cook: Does this look cooked to you?
- Cornelia Hale: Taranee, it's a carrot. The only way it could harm you is if you were mugged by rabbits.