- Dr. Johnny Fever: Hi. What's happening?
- Venus Flytrap: Andy's dating Mrs. Carlson.
- Andy Travis: Don't tell anybody.
- Venus Flytrap: Andy's not dating Mrs. Carlson.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Which one, his wife or his mother?
- Andy Travis: His mother. What kind of guy do you think I am?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [sarcastically] Gee Travis, I don't know.
- Lillian Carlson: [to Arthur and Andy] Would the both of you like a refreshment?
- Arthur Carlson: Oh, I think I'd like a lemonade if that's all right.
- Lillian Carlson: [sarcastically] Good choice on a cold day. Hirsch, go squeeze a lemon.
- Hirsch: Yes ma'am. I might suggest you do the same.
- Arthur Carlson: [playing a fixed game of pool with Mother Carlson to get the new transmitter approved] Just bear with me, Mother, I can't find all the balls.
- [first lines]
- Les Nessman: [on the air] Good midday, Mr. and Mrs. Cincinnati. This is Les Nessman with
- [said as if expecting a fanfare]
- Les Nessman: Show Beat. Our guest today, the actress Colleen Camp.
- Colleen Camp: [smiles, but is new to radio broadcasting, Les indicates she should speak into microphone] Oh, hello.
- [chuckles]
- Les Nessman: Miss Camp, you're here in the Queen's City for the opening of the new...
- [slurs:]
- Les Nessman: Bogdanovich film, are you not?
- Colleen Camp: Bogdanovich.
- [pronouncing correctly]
- Les Nessman: Yes, well, whatever.
- Colleen Camp: They All Laughed.
- Les Nessman: Excuse me?
- Colleen Camp: That's the name of the picture. It opens here in Cincinnati on Friday.
- Les Nessman: And what about all the sex and violence?
- Colleen Camp: [frowns] Excuse me?
- Les Nessman: What's Hollywood out to prove?
- Colleen Camp: This is a comedy. It's a family picture.
- Les Nessman: Well, I am one American who is sick and tired of slow-motion death.
- Colleen Camp: This is PG.
- Les Nessman: So, there is some cursing.
- Colleen Camp: Not that I remember. Oh, maybe a little.
- Les Nessman: [taunts] "Maybe a little."
- Colleen Camp: Well, I mean, hell...
- Les Nessman: Hell? Hell?
- Colleen Camp: I mean...
- Les Nessman: I think it's time Hollywood made movies we decent Americans could watch.
- Colleen Camp: [shakes her head] Oh, I couldn't agree with you more, I...
- Les Nessman: Remember the movie Gigi?
- Colleen Camp: Well, yes...
- Les Nessman: Funny little fascinating Gigi.
- Colleen Camp: Yes.
- Les Nessman: Well, they don't make films like that anymore.
- Colleen Camp: I guess not.
- Les Nessman: Where is
- [struggles to pronounce:]
- Les Nessman: Chevalier Now?
- Colleen Camp: Dead, I believe.
- Les Nessman: Yes, that's right.
- [makes a little note of that]
- Les Nessman: But I believe I have made my point, haven't I?
- Colleen Camp: [shaking her head] I guess so, I mean...
- Les Nessman: So, you're here in Cincinnati trying to promote a film when in actual fact you'd much rather be lounging round on a beach somewhere in the South Pacific. Doesn't that just about sum things up?
- Colleen Camp: [shakes her head, clearly wonders what she's doing here] I suppose you could say that.
- Les Nessman: [jumps up victoriously] It's called Show Beat. I'm Les Nessman, and you're informed, Cincinnati.
- [to his guest:]
- Les Nessman: Oh, that was great, Colleen. Good luck on that film, I hear It's quite good.
- Bailey Quarters: [entering, with Andy hot on her heels] Oh, Colleen, I am so sorry.
- Colleen Camp: [wearily sarcastic] No, hell, it was fun.
- Andy Travis: Come with me, Les.
- Les Nessman: One minute, Andy. Ah, Colleen, I was wondering if I can have an autograph. It's not for me, It's for my brother. His name is Les too. Just write "To Les, with all my love and respect."
- [Andy gets real impatient]