- [first lines]
- Diana: There. That should keep the mad Huns and the yellow hordes at bay, not to mention not to mention daft old goats called Tom.
- Jane: Harvey says that wall has got to go, Diana. If you do not take it down voluntarily, he will, uh...
- Diana: What? Come and huff and puff and blow my wall down?
- Jane: Invoke the structural alterations to premises without prior consultation with the management, the board and the planning committee clause in your contract of residency.
- Diana: Well, you just tell little Harvey that if just one millimetre of his smallest toenail comes across my doorstep he will be the happy recipient of a ten megaton exploding suppository.
- Tom: May I show you to your car?
- Geoffrey: Got another appointment, have you, Dad?
- Tom: No, Geoffrey, I just feel one of my... must strangle Marion fits coming on.
- Marion: Oh, you are a funny old possum, aren't you? Well, bye-bye, Tom. Oh, do leave the door open; it's awfully whiffy in here.
- Tom: [after Marion leaves] Geoffrey, there are poisons, you know, which are almost untraceable.
- Daisy: I suppose you put that up to keep out that dreadful Trent woman.
- Tom: Oh, she's all right.
- Daisy: No she is not, Tom! Believe me, I know the type. Fifth columnists! It was people like her, free thinkers, that lost us the Empire! No team spirit! She does not care for her fellow man!
- Tom: She can't stand her fellow man!
- Jane: You needn't be jealous of her, Diana.
- Diana: Jealous? Me? I'm not jealous. I have never been jealous. I would never tolerate an emotion based on the wayward and fickle affections of a man.
- Jane: I don't believe you, Diana! Naughty, naughty, fibby, fibby! The bogeyman'll get your tongue!
- Diana: Beam her up, Scotty.
- Tom: Appeals to your community spirit might just as well be addressed in Urdu to an emu for all the effect they're going to have.
- Diana: Appeals to jingoistic spirits. Forming teams, the desire to inflict your views on all around you. Fascism, Tom.
- Tom: Or patriotism.
- Diana: Mmm. It's a fine line.
- Tom: Mmm, yeah.
- Tom: Yes, well, I'm British. As a nation, we're all a bit constipated when it comes to paying compliments.