Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends (TV Series)

Wrestling (1999)

Louis Theroux: Self - Presenter

Quotes 

• [the wrestlers are practicing making videos where they shout threatening tirades aimed at their opponents. Now Louis has a go] 

  Louis Theroux : [speaks in his normal posh English voice, doesn't shout and is pretty unthreatening]  Waldo's the name. London, England's the place of origin. A new face on the block. I'm gonna wrestle Pistol Pez Whatley, the one and only, the legendary. Am I excited? Am I honoured? You'd better believe it. Is he going down? I hope so. He's good, but he's been in the business a long time and it's time for a new face to take over. Is it me? I hope so. I'm gonna throw every move I know, and I've been practicing, I've been trying really hard, and I'm gonna get in the ring, his time is over, maybe now it's time for a new face on the block, me - Waldo, the one and only, at the Georgia Dome this Saturday, tune in! Pistol Pez Whatley, the legend, with the utmost respect, I'm afraid to tell you, that I think you are going down.

  [the cameraman laughs, but Pez is impressed by Louis' verbal fluency] 

  Pistol Pez Whatley : He's good with words already! That's excellent!

• Scott Levy : So, you're doing a wrestling subculture movie?

  Louis Theroux : Yeah, we are, yeah.

  Scott Levy : Do you know who I am?

  Louis Theroux : Um...

  Scott Levy : You're filming a documentary on wrestling and you have no idea who I am?

  Louis Theroux : We've only just started, to be honest.

  Scott Levy : But didn't you do a little research before you started this endeavour?

  Louis Theroux : No.

• [at the WCW Power Plant training centre for wrestlers, as a token of respect, Louis has decided to join in the wrestlers' workout led by 'Sarge', who shouts constantly, like a military drill sergeant. The very punishing workout wears Louis out, he wants to stop but the other wrestlers won't let him and they crowd around him, yelling] 

  Louis Theroux : [narrating]  I'd been trying my best, I just couldn't keep up. But dropping out wasn't an option. It seemed Sarge was still fuming over my questions at the Monday Nitro event.

  [Sarge makes Louis lie on the floor and swing his arms and legs out, like in a star jump] 

  Sarge : MOVE YOUR ARMS! MOVE YOUR LEGS! SAY "SIR, I'M A DYIN' COCKROACH, SIR!"

  Louis Theroux : Sir, I'm a dying cockroach, sir!

  Sarge : These guys go through it every damn day, and you got the nerve to ask me that bullshit down at Nitro? What the hell? You don't think we're not athletes - hell yeah, we're the best athletes in the world! We do this 365 days a fucking year!

  [cut to him holding the scruff of Louis' T-shirt] 

  Sarge : Finish 'em out!

  Louis Theroux : [shaking his head, exhausted]  I'm a dying cockroach.

  Sarge : I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A DYING COCKROACH!

  [points to his boot] 

  Sarge : YOU SEE THAT FOOT? IT'S GONNA SQUASH YOU!

• Sarge : [shouting constantly]  You see how ridiculous the questions you asked me down there are?

  Louis Theroux : [exhausted]  Yes, yes, I do, yes.

  Sarge : Did you see why I am The Sarge, huh?

  Louis Theroux : Yes.

  Sarge : [shouting into Louis' ear]  SPEAK UP! SAY "SIR, YES SIR!"

  Louis Theroux : Sir, yes sir!

  Sarge : Do you have any questions about our business now that you wanna know? Look at these guys, they started at 10 o'clock. Now you see why this is the toughest sport in the fucking world! Bar none! They gotta put up with my short, irritable ass every fucking day!

• [after making Louis exercise so hard that he vomits, Sarge finally lets him stop] 

  Louis Theroux : [narrating]  I wasn't sure what I'd experienced, I was just glad it was over.