- Drew Carey: [after "Questions Only"] That's great. I'm gonna give 500 points on that for Ryan Stiles, who can be seen every Wednesday at 9/8 central on "The Drew Carey Show", right here on ABC.
- Ryan Stiles: [shaking head] Shameless.
- Drew Carey: If I'm gonna give points, might as well make 'em worth my while.
- Drew Carey: Hey, you know when you're on the internet and you get an instant message that's really disgusting and filthy, but it ALMOST turns you on? That's ME!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "The Millionaire Show", the theme being frisky old people]
- [reading the first question]
- Colin Mochrie: Viagra...
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, I spent my honeymoon there.
- [audience laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: It's by the lake, in the falls, it's gorgeous. Gorgeous.
- Colin Mochrie: Well, there goes the first answer.
- Wayne Brady: [in "The Millionaire Show", the theme being frisky old people]
- [as the audience lifeline, Ryan's caretaker]
- Wayne Brady: One time, I had relations with 45 men at one time.
- Drew Carey: [after "The Millionaire Show"] You know the great part about that game was? Uh, 'cause it was the frisky old people version, Colin did not have to change his face at all.
- [audience oohs]
- Ryan Stiles: Endearing yourself to the crowd.
- Drew Carey: I was just kidding around, buddy.
- Colin Mochrie: I know.
- [audience awws]
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Rejected show names for "Whose Line is it Anyway?"."
- Wayne Brady: Hi, and welcome to "Drew Carey's House Payment"!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Scenes from a Hat", the suggestion being "Titles for Colin Mochrie's Autobiography"] "You Don't Need Hair to Satisfy Every Woman You've Met".
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Other things you can see from the moon besides the Great Wall of China."
- Kathy Greenwood: [pointing] Look, those are Ryan's shoes!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hoedown", about getting arrested]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I got sent to prison, I didn't know what to do. / I felt so bad, because I was so new. / Didn't know the ways there, I felt like such a dope, / but now I never bend down to pick up any soap.