Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV Series)

Show No. 304 (2000)

Ryan Stiles: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Drew Carey : [in "Scenes from a Hat"]  "Entries in Drew Carey's diary."

  Ryan Stiles : "Dear diary: Ryan looked at me again today.

  [Drew buzzes] 

  Ryan Stiles : How I wish I were sitting on his lap, and not..."

  [Drew buzzes again; Ryan leaves but returns with another joke] 

  Ryan Stiles : "Dear diary: When will people find out that I'm not a man?"

  [Drew buzzes] 

  Drew Carey : All right, moving right along. "What our audience is thinking right now."

  Ryan Stiles : "I wonder if that's all true?"

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Hoedown", about the beach] 

  [singing] 

  Ryan Stiles : I went to the beach, and boy, was the water cold. / I got in anyway, because I was bold. / When I jumped in, it was colder than I feared, / That's the day that my penis disappeared.

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Weird Newscasters", his quirk is "knows his wife is at home cheating on him"]  Well, as you can see, we've got rain moving in over the weekend, especially over the Sherman Oaks area, which is where I live. So honey, if you're home, you might wanna put on your clothes, kick him out, and head for cover, if you know what I'm saying. Oh that's right. Yeah, I know what's going on. And it BETTER not be that Jamaican guy again, that's all I'm gonna say. Yeah. What, do you think I'm stupid, just because I'm the weatherman? Is that what you think? Well I'VE got some news for you.

  [to audience member] 

  Ryan Stiles : Come up here. Right now.

  [pulls a man wearing a shirt that says "MARINES" on stage] 

  Ryan Stiles : Uh-huh, that's what I'm saying, I found someone, too. That's right.

  [notices the man's shirt] 

  Ryan Stiles : And he's a MARINE. They're lookin' for...

  [Wayne comes up behind the man] 

  Ryan Stiles : hey!

  [Wayne leaves the shot] 

  Ryan Stiles : They're lookin' for a few good men, and this boy found his, you know what I'm saying?