- Chip Esten: [in "Let's Make a Date"] Bachelor number one, I believe that, um, every relationship should be based on a very firm foundation of... money.
- Wayne Brady: [subtitle: "Power Crazed State Trooper"] Uh-huh.
- [mimes pointing radar gun at Chip]
- Wayne Brady: OH, hell yeah! Oh y...
- [makes siren noise]
- Chip Esten: Okay, bach...
- Wayne Brady: [interrupting] What?
- Chip Esten: What would you do...
- Wayne Brady: [interrupting] Hey hey hey hey, are you talkin'? I don't think anyone gave you license to talk, here in Chilahapimusasippi County!
- Chip Esten: Oh my God, you scare me, and I LIKE that.
- Chip Esten: [in "Let's Make a Date"] Bachelor number one, what is the biggest lie you've ever told?
- Wayne Brady: That you'll be out by six o'clock tomorrow mornin'. In fact, when you look at me from now on, you just say "Yes sir, Mr. The Law!" You understand me?
- Chip Esten: Yes, Mr...
- Wayne Brady: [interrupting] Shut up.
- [to Colin, whose quirk is "Joined at the butt to Ryan but desperate for his own career in showbiz"]
- Wayne Brady: What you lookin' at, sissy boy? Huh?
- Colin Mochrie: Get off my butt.
- Drew Carey: [after "Let's Make a Date", where Ryan was a motorcycle stunt rider joined at the butt with Colin] Hey, Ryan, could've been worse. Could've been worse. Could've made you porn star... joined at the butt with Colin.
- Colin Mochrie: First time we've made money from it.
- [Ryan taps him and mouths "shut up"]
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "First drafts of famous movie lines."
- Ryan Stiles: Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a lamb.
- Wayne Brady: Miss Scarlet, I don't know nothin' about birthin' no Teletubbies!
- Ryan Stiles: Go ahead, make a cake.
- Chip Esten: I'll be back in a couple minutes. I have some things I have to do,
- [Drew laughs]
- Chip Esten: then I'll come on back.
- Ryan Stiles: Follow the yellow brick toad. Follow the yellow brick toad.
- Colin Mochrie: [pointing upwards] Fredzilla! Fredzilla!
- Ryan Stiles: [amused] Fredzilla.
- Chip Esten: Luke, I am your second uncle twice removed.
- Drew Carey: "World's worst person to be stuck with at a party."
- Colin Mochrie: Fredzilla.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Color commentators on their day off."
- Wayne Brady: [to Colin] Honey, the dinner was great, but let me show you what you did wrong. Right here, you should've come AROUND the counter, and taken the mashed potatoes, and-
- [Colin mimes cocking a shotgun]
- Ryan Stiles: [mimes putting on his pants] Well, that was great, great sex. Let's take another look at that.
- [mimes pulling his pants back down]
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] Get out your pens, everybody: It's "things you can say to your dog, but not your girlfriend."
- Ryan Stiles: What did you just do? WHAT did you just do? Am I gonna have to rub your nose in that?
- Colin Mochrie: [holding out right hand] Come.
- Ryan Stiles: I'm gonna give you a bath and then a nice bone.
- Wayne Brady: Grab the ball! Grab the ball! Grab the ball!
- Ryan Stiles: Get off the mailman! Get off the mailman!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hoedown", about body odor]
- [Ryan doesn't start singing as usual]
- Ryan Stiles: Everybody might want to go have a, uh, go to the bathroom for awhile. Come back in.
- [sighs and sits on the step to think; Chip yodels]
- Ryan Stiles: [to Drew] I'm phased out. I can't fucking think.
- Drew Carey: I got one. Want me to do one?
- Ryan Stiles: Do it. Come over here. Stand behind me and sing it.
- Drew Carey: [singing, standing behind Ryan. Ryan opens his mouth in time to Drew's words] Oh, I went on a date last night. It really didn't end well. / She said she wouldn't kiss me 'cause I had a weird smell. / I said "Come on, baby. Why don't you have a heart? / Sure, I might have BO, but at least I didn't fart."