- Drew Carey: [before "Weird Newscasters"] Wayne, you're doing the sports. You're a Haitian man who's been unfaithful and is now the victim of a voodoo attack.
- Wayne Brady: Why I gotta be the Haitian man who's been unfaithful and is the victim of a voodoo attack?
- Drew Carey: I dunno.
- Wayne Brady: [to camera] Ross, Chandler, call me.
- Drew Carey: You're askin' the wrong guy.
- Drew Carey: [before "Meet the Family"] Colin, you're Dustin Hoffman from "Rain Man". And Ryan, you're a dominatrix.
- Ryan Stiles: I know, I know. Get to it. What am I?
- [Drew smiles]
- Ryan Stiles: Oh! Oh.
- Ryan Stiles: [after "Meet the Family"] I don't really know what dominatrixes do, so I just...
- [takes a drink of water]
- Ryan Stiles: IF they hook electricity up to people's nipples, I wouldn't know about that sort of thing.
- Drew Carey: Yeah, me neither! Now let's play a game called...
- Wayne Brady: We should do that scene again.
- Drew Carey: Yeah.
- Drew Carey: Hey, you know sometimes in the middle of the night, you get a call and somebody just breathes in the phone and it's really creepy? That's ME!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the teacher] Oh, a teacher. You know, teachers are the most misunderstood of all mammals.
- Ryan Stiles: Tell me about it.
- [pause]
- Ryan Stiles: No, I mean, TELL me about it.
- Colin Mochrie: Well that's why we've come up with songs that just praise the teacher.
- Ryan Stiles: And you know, we're not selling this CD set; we're giving it away FREE.
- [Ryan and Colin chuckle]
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Meet the Family", as Rain Man] Duncan Hines, safest cake. Duncan Hines, safest cake.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits"] You know, if you order right now, we'll send, absolutely free, a box of fresh air. That's right, air!
- Ryan Stiles: Fresh air? We can't just give away fresh air.
- Colin Mochrie: Yes we can! From the makers of Breathe Free, makers of air for eterniteeee!
- [Ryan and Colin chuckle]